Friday, March 28, 2008

Anyone Speak Science?

So dating Mr. Wonderful is like living in a world of puppies and cotton candy pillows where the only thing to eat is chocolate, cheese, bread and wine. Seriously. I have consumed more cheese and chocolate in the last 4 months than I did probably all of last year. Don’t get me wrong, it’s exquisite and decadent and joyous. But I’m wondering if perhaps there is a scientific transmutation occurring in my body.

If any of you have backgrounds in biochemistry or physiology, maybe you can tell me whether this is possible…

Let’s just say that one night Mr. Wonderful and I go to Whole Foods and buy mini wheels or hunks of Camembert, Petit Basque, Brillat-Savarin, La Tur, Jarlsberg, Brunet, and oh say Smoked Gouda. We eat slice after slice, smear after smear on pieces of raisin bread—washing it all down with a nice bottle of Shiraz. And then we throw in some Dean & Deluca chocolates for dessert, just for good measure. We’re stuffed, but Mr. Wonderful starts to put the moves on me on the couch.

Is it possible that he could get me so hot and bothered, he would curdle the cheese in my stomach and cause it to instantly turn to more cellulite on my butt?

Because that would explain why I’m getting more and more jiggle…

6 comments:

Big Sister said...

If your skinny little butt has cellulite, then I don't know what mine has....All I can say is that we have high cholesterol in the family so you better watch it. I'm sure you could get just as hot and bothering feeding each other fresh strawberries and grapes.

Anonymous said...

Does Mr. W read these "dittys" - he may want to censor them. But in regards to "the moments", enjoy - and worry about the cellulite later!

Anonymous said...

OK TO ENJOY EATING THE CHEESE, JUST DON'T CUT THE CHEESE!

Anonymous said...

HI Guy - Totally eat all the chocolate, cheese, wine, whatever - this is your current experience, enjoy it in the now - FULLY - for total happiness....Take this for what it's worth you sweet girl!!! :)

Lara said...

YOU ARE GAY!!!

By the way, I've seen you butt in the garish light of a Macy's dressing room and you are soooo exaggerating!

I agree w/ big sister, you'd get hot and bothered with pretzels and tofu.

brookem said...

Wow, sounds like some serious wining and dining from Mr. Wonderful! I say enjoy it, and work off those calories together... ahem, if you know what I mean. ;)