I guess if you go out on a night like St. Patrick’s, you have to anticipate the possibility of being surrounded by a very sloppy crowd. Any holiday that centers around alcohol consumption is sure to include some sights you don’t really want to see…sixty-year-olds in painfully low-cut tops that read “kiss me I’m Irish,” public urination and vomiting, and my favorite—inappropriate displays of affection by people who just met.
Last night, I found myself in the sweaty bowels of an Irish pub, drinking green Guinness and listening to a somewhat off-key cover band. It was all good fun, until I turned to say something to Mr. Wonderful and saw a late thirties lady licking a guy’s neck from shirt collar to earlobe. As my girlfriend said, it deserved a silent scream a la Danny in The Shining.
Moments before, the woman had been drinking and dancing with her girlfriends. Apparently, it didn’t take long for her and her new boyfriend to fall head over heels for one another and immediately start trying to consummate their relationship through their clothing. Faces were quickly being devoured and buttocks spanked.
My group of friends took turns narrating what was happening and shuffling our standing places so we could all witness the makeout carnage. It was so so bad. And not just because she was wearing high-waisted jeans. Even if the couple had been attractive, I wouldn’t have wanted to watch that action in public. Okay, maybe in the privacy of my own home with a glass of wine, but not in the middle of a pub, pressed up against a grimy barstool.
Acting like that might (read: might) have been somewhat acceptable when we were 18, in Mexico on our graduation trip, swapping spit with co-eds in rum-soaked t-shirts and dirty flip flops. But it is not okay now.