Friday, May 9, 2008

Bad in the Goodest Way

This morning on the way to work, I heard Carl Carlton’s “She’s a Bad Mamma Jamma.” Go ahead, click the link. Crank up the sound. Delight in the disco wonder that is this song. Enjoy the gold hotpants. I’m not sure youtube videos get any better than that. Needless to say, it was the perfect song to start off my Friday.

I also thing it might be the perfect song to dedicate to my mom for Mother’s Day.

Why is my mom a bad mamma jamma? I’ll tell you.

First of all, she says things no one else would think to say. There was a time when she thought she might have a bone spur in her neck and she actually shouted at us kids when we were being obnoxious, “Stop it! You’re making the sperm in my neck hurt!” Another time, we were camping and when she noticed a swan out on the lake, she pointed and exclaimed, “Look! A delicate!” I’m guessing she was trying for something between duck and pelican.

She’s a master at the sewing machine. She made several of my dance dresses in high school—and even performed emergency surgery when she burned the inner lining of my prom dress while ironing it the day before the dance.

She has the largest collection of “vintage” Good Housekeeping and Sunset magazines known to man.

She is the only person I know with such effortless physical precision that she is capable of falling into a swimming pool filter hole on the grounds of an Indian casino. Seriously, it takes impeccable aim to get one foot into a hole that small.

She can knit baby sweaters and hats with her eyes closed, and has earned the nickname “The Curtinator” because she has sewn drapes and valences for almost everyone in the family.

She makes a mean potatoes au gratin and is the inventor of the black olive and mayonnaise sandwich.

But most importantly, she has a PhD in motherhood. The woman could teach classes. And if she could wrap the world in a blanket, feed it a bottle and rock it to sleep, she totally would.

Happy Mother’s Day! Love you Mom! You bad mamma jamma....

12 comments:

Michael C said...

Sounds like a WONDERFUL mom. After reading this, I'm hearing Tom Jones sing 'She's a lady.'

;-)

laura said...

your bad mamma jamma was just at my house visiting....I did a belly laugh when i read the part about falling into the pool filter. They were just telling us how she fell on a boat in Hawaii (i'm sure you've heard about it!) and just laid on the ground afraid that if she got up, she would just fall again.

surrogate big sis said...

There is nothing funnier than a good story about your mom. My kids still wear the hats that she made for them!

laura;s bad mamma said...

your bad mamma taught me almost everything there is to know including how to raise a husband.

your mamma jamma said...

The 2 mamma jammas are wondering is a bad mamma jamma a good thing or a bad thing!

geekhiker said...

Potatoes au gratin... I haven't had those in years. Next time she makes some, can I come over? Please?

Your "mamma jamma" sounds pretty darn cool. Of course, the fact that she raised such a cool daughter is clearly proof of that. :)

PoopyPants said...

How could I be in the family for 12+ years and never tasted the potatoes au gratin?? or even heard of the black olive and mayo sandwich...not that I would eat it :)

Jane Moneypenny said...

Damn! Now the song is stuck in my head. Nothing beats a really fabulous mother, huh? I hope I'm half the mother my mom is when I get there.

Big Sister said...

I don't know what a Bad Mamma Jamma is, but I know what a Big Giant Mamaw is....I've got 10 years on you with Mom stories. Mom is surely one of the best, and most entertaining Mom's on the planet.

laura said...

Don't worry Melissa and Big Sis...your mom aksed me this weekend what a mamma jamma was, and I told her it was a stripper mom. I'm sure that made her feel a lot better.

Alysha said...

I really enjoy you. I hope that someday, someone remembers things like that about me and I come somewhere even close to being thought of that way.

Mel Heth said...

Michael - Sweet, that would be a good addition to the Mama mix tape.

Laura - My mom told me you said a mamma jamma was a stripper. I actually heard the song again today and paid very close attention to the lyrics to see if you were right! You shouldn't prey on the gullible like that! :P

Surrogate big sis - Oh how I wonder who you are? I'm so glad your kids have hats. Mama Jama has made several for me over the years, too.

Pamma Jamma - How to raise a husband? Is that why yours and hers are so alike?!

Momma Jamma - According to Laura, they're strippers...I don't know if that's good or not...

Geekhiker - You are SO invited over for potatoes next time. We can have a debate. ;)

Poopy - I do not know how that is possible. And although it sounds gross, I loved the olive/may sandwiches as a child.

Jane - Maybe you'll be twice the mother. :)

Sister - Mom actually might be THE most entertaining mom on the planet...in the klutziest of ways...

Alysha - You have nothing to worry about. I could write a post like this about you now!!