Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Found: Missing Person and Self Awareness

Monday morning, after posting a Missing Person report on this blog Sunday night, I indulged my growing concern, and emailed my friend’s husband. I was worried about her wellbeing but also frustrated that she didn’t want to talk to me.

I clicked back and forth to my email window, wondering what was taking him so long to respond. Then I read Nilsa’s comment on my post. And this part really struck a chord in me:

If it's more about you and your wanting to share how good life is ... well, maybe she's not in a place to share your joys right now. And though it's surely hurtful to realize that, isn't it better than forcing a person into doing something they don't want to do?

She was so right. It wasn’t about me. It wasn’t about the fact that I needed or wanted to talk to her—it was about what she needed. And if radio silence was it, I had to respect that.

Later in the evening, another concerned friend called and told me she had finally spoken to the Missing Person. She was in a dark place, feeling out of the loop, and had just decided it was easier to cut off communication for awhile. I felt terrible.

All this time I had been focused on what was lacking—what I wasn’t receiving from her—when really, I should’ve been giving, giving, giving. I should’ve been concentrating on the abundance I could try to create for her.

So I put together a list of funny, upbeat songs and burned her a CD. Then I wrote her a letter about how I missed her and hoped she was okay, and reminded her that I was always there if she ever needed to talk. As I was sealing the envelope, I saw a new message in my email inbox.

My Missing Person had returned.

12 comments:

Nilsa S. said...

That's the best post ever. Brought a tear to my eye. Because, all friends who are in dark places deserve friends like you. The ones who are open to new ways of thinking. And then act on it. Missing Person is one lucky gal to have you in her life.

Dingo said...

I was just getting ready to post was Nilsa said: You're a great friend. She's lucky to have you.

geekhiker said...

Nice. Very nice.

I know how your friend feels; sometimes it is (or seems, at least) easier to cut everyone off. I've been there before, even on the blog: sometimes it seems that all the people I read are writing about their smashingly happy lives, and it's tempting to just stop going on the computer. But I don't, for some reason.

Anyway, I'm glad your friend has returned, and I hope that she is happy for you and that you can give her the support she needs. :)

Sizzle said...

That sounds much like a situation I am though sadly, mine did not have a happy ending. Or maybe it isn't over. Sometimes it helps to shift our perspective.

Wow, that was awkward said...

You are way cool

Michael C said...

What you did was an extremely sweet and thoughtful gesture. She is very lucky to have the caliber of friend that she has in you.

brandy said...

You are definitely a good friend. I'm one of those people who will shut down and go 'missing' when I feel overwhelmed, or am having issues with someone. Not the best way to deal, but it's what happens. I know that the one thing that makes me feel better when I've gone MIA- is the kind acts from friends who go above and beyond. She's lucky to have you.

brookem said...

she's so lucky to have such a good friend in you. im glad you heard from her.

laura said...

I'm glad she turned up...and that was very nice of you to send her a note and CD's...she's lucky to have a friend like you!

Anonymous said...

Sometimes friendships need one or the other to go the extra mile for whatever reason. I am glad you had the wisdom to move forward and not be make judgements. It paid off and I am sure you were just the friend she needed. You have always been there for her and she knows you always will. It may just take a little more effort. I have heard so many people say how hard it is to move and start over because your old friends know you so well and your history too. She is a very lucky girl to have you
in her life and I am sure she realizes it even more now.

Lara said...

I LOVE YOU!! I'm the luckiest girl in the world :)

Anonymous said...

Lara said it all! Those few words
brought tears to my eyes and I am sure yours too.