Friday, August 1, 2008

My Third Child

I, like my sister, am a crazy cat lady. I only have 1, and I am especially lucky to have her since my husband is allergic. After much begging, pleading and promising to vacuum every day (yeah right, but he fell for it...) he let me pick a real pet for our family. As only fate would have it, he is allergic to every cat on the planet except for her. Not a wheeze or a sniffle out of him. He won't admit it, but he loves her to pieces. We catch him, when he thinks no one is looking, massaging her belly and talking in a cat voice.

I, like my sister, sing songs to my cat; have a special voice that only she understands; and love her even when she attacks my forearms for no apparent reason. Recently I thought I had Cat Scratch Fever from a severe slash, but it turned out to be a reaction to the antibiotic cream I had slathered on the wound. One of the worst scratches really wasn't her fault. I was carefully lifting her into my daughter's loft bed, but I forgot the ceiling fan was on, and her head got whacked. Consequently, she overreacted. She screeched, fur was flying, and I got the brunt of the mishap. I stayed up half the night to make sure she didn't have a concussion. I still love her.

My best friend, who is a therapist, is very concerned about me. She thinks I might wear Sophie around in a Baby Bjorn pack, and nurse her. I have a leash for her, because she is an indoor teenage rebellious cat, and tries to run away occasionally. My friend insists that I not use the leash in the neighborhood, because all the other cats will laugh at my Sophie. She wants to start a couple of support groups for people like me, and their feline children - Getting in Touch With Your Inner Kitten; Don't Be Such a Pussy (for scaredy cats) and my personal favorite, Nobody's Purrfect -a reality based therapy group for cats.

I don't care what anyone says. My third daughter never talks back to me in a sassy voice, will eat the same thing for dinner every night, and will snuggle with me whenever I want her to. Some would say she is saying "meow meow" every morning to me, but I know she is really saying "Mama."


Nanny Dobie said...

I find it very odd that you consider sophie your third daughter ;)

with love,
your first daughter

surrogate sis said...

Is there a group for me?
Pass the candle my way, for I do carry my "toddler" in the baby Bjorn. Yes, my 5 pound yorkiepoo, does indeed have cognitive thinking.
I completely understand the maternal feeling.

Jane Moneypenny said...

I'm not much of a cat person, but I gotta say, maybe I'll get one if it's like having a silent child.

laura said...

I'm not a cat person...but i can appreciate what you hounds won't qute fit into in a Baby Bjorn, but I have considered buying a wagon to pull hollydog around when she gets tired.

Dingo said...

My cat, Not a Dingo, would not even entertain the thought of being treated like a human. She would consider it humbling herself. My dog, Dingo Girl, is another story. She's my kid. As Mel, Dingo Girl and I even look alike!

Nikki Weingarten said...

I was really concerned when you developed mastitis a couple years back- Allie was 6 and Carleigh was 10. I knew at that time that Sophie was breastfeeding and I knew also at that time that you needed some serious help.
I am your friend and a therapist, but, unfortunately, I can't be your therapist. I would like to recommend my colleague, Kitty Carrioll, who runs a group for crazy cat people, (no offense). It's called "You're hurting my Felines". It will help you treat your cat like a cat, but also learn how to cope with the day to day teasing from people like me.

Wow, that was awkward said...


Darn cat.

This blog makes my eyes water. And not in a sentimental way.

Release the hounds!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

*sniffle* Okay, I have to be careful not to touch my eyes after reading this post. Darn cat dander that I'm allergic to, it just gets everywhere.

So, as your third daughter, do you get any tax benefits from that? ;)

Big Sister said...

Nanny- you know I will always love you more than your furry sister.

Urp-We always did understand each other on a deep level.

Jane - My husband wasn't a cat person either, and he's whipped now.

Laura- they do make dog strollers -I'll call you if I see one big enough.

Dingo - Your furry kids sound adorable.

Nikki - I love you. You're always there for me. See you at the Felines Group.

Awkward & Geekhiker- My cat is hypoallergenic - ask my husband. Go take some Claritin. I'll talk to my accountant about the tax break. I think she qualifies.

brookem said...

i get it. im a crazy cat gal myself. for serious, my cat is the most reliable guy in my life.

wow im lame-o.