Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Seen It. Believe It.
I was approaching the freeway onramp when I saw them. His blonde hair looked damp, face was flushed, calves were rippling. Her brown ponytail swung back and forth, swatting butterflies from her shoulder blades. They were smiling at one another. Jogging side-by-side, unaware of whatever else was going on in the world around them.
I want that, I thought.
I knew him. He was a guy I’d had a crush on after college. And now he was with her and they looked blissfully happy.
I wanted to be the couple who ran together. Who enjoyed each other’s company so much and shared hobbies and laughed and laughed.
There were dozens of bad dates after that day. My heart got broken at least three or four times. I cried orca whale tears. I lost weight. I gained weight. I hated men. I longed for them. I kept getting on and off the rollercoaster. Why? Because I believed. I knew I could have what the jogging couple had. I deserved it.
I believe everyone can have that. I believe there is someone out there for everyone. I believe that if you want to find your perfect match, you will. Someone to call when the sunset looks like it did tonight. Someone who will reach over and stroke your hair and neck while you’re driving. Someone who will put a spoonful of homemade spaghetti sauce to your lips and ask you if it tastes okay. Tell you they love your skin. Hold your hand at the movie theater. Play Scrabble with you on a Friday night. Race you to the top of the hill. Smear sunscreen on the places you can’t reach. Make plans with you. Give you a look, across the elevator in Target, that nearly takes your breath away. Make you have stomach flips that are gold medal worthy. Laugh at your jokes. Dab at your tears. Breathe in your exhales.
But I also know, that the only way to ever find it is for you to believe, too.