Tuesday, September 9, 2008

A New Breed of Rescue Society

Chihuahuas are being saved. Pit bulls are even finding new homes. But my neglected and/or downtrodden girlfriends?
They have no place to go.

If I had enough money, I’d start an Unhappy Wife/Girlfriend Rescue and Refuge. It’d be a place for gals to retreat when their husbands or boyfriends were treating them like crap—not respecting their wishes; not looking out for their best interests; not caring how many tears were being shed.

I’d buy acres and acres of land, and build quaint little cottages for the girls and their kids. We would grow vegetable gardens and raise chickens and goats (to make goat cheese, of course). I’d get an on-site therapist to help them work through their “stuff.” I’d make Fridays “mani-pedi night” where we all sat around doing our fingers and toes, wearing our jammies, watching Footloose and Grease. I would encourage the girls to follow their dreams, despite financial setbacks. I would build them back up after their men had knocked them down.

And if they decided to sever the ties to their past, I would help them set up online dating profiles and design manifestation collages to attract men who were committed to honoring, cherishing, and listening to them. I would rehab them into daters that knew when to trust their instincts and recognize when they weren’t receiving the treatment they deserved.

Like the canine rescue programs, I would hope that after living under my roof, I could send them out to better (or drastically reformed) homes, where they would enjoy long, happy lives rolling in the grass and driving with their heads hung out the window.

22 comments:

varietyisthespice said...

I like the way you think! I'll help. With your copywriting skills and my design ones and some kick-ass marketing, it would be the most awesome place.

laura said...

any chance this could happen at your villa in tuscany???? we could stomp grapes to relieve the stress.

Mel Heth said...

Varietyisthespice - We could totally rock on the marketing front! Austin has lots of open land, right? :)

Laura - That is a fantastic idea. We could all quit our jobs, too, and make money off the "hot-chick-stomped" wine we sell!

Nilsa S. said...

You might be onto something here. Ever thought of writing up a business plan?!! =)

charlotteharris said...

I'd like to be put on the list for immediate adoption! LOL...

brookem said...

id go there in a heartbeat!

Mel Heth said...

Nilsa - Hmmm I think I'd rather go shoe shopping than write a business plan... :)

Charlotte - I'll start preparing your cottage.

Brookem - Let's hope you'll meet a good guy off the bat and not HAVE to go there!

Anita said...

Love this idea! The world can really use a few of these. Can we call it "Brokebitch Mountain"? (Female dog definition, natch).
:)

The Coconut Diaries said...

Now THIS is a job I think I would enjoy! When are you hiring?

My contribution to the organization would be to add massages and facial incentives for any woman who chooses NOT to date someone who is not right for her. Wine tasting events for women who mentor young women.

Mandy said...

Communal living with mani-pedis? Sign me up!

Amy Turpin said...

Can women who like their man come and hang out for mani-pedi/grape-stomping nights???

Mel Heth said...

Anita - You are a total crack up. If it is in the mountains it will FOR SURE be called Brokebitch.

CoconutDiaries - Love it! I shall add that to my official list of rules.

Mandy - The only drawback could be if all our periods sync up. :P

Amy - YES! Otherwise I wouldn't be allowed on the premises!

justrun said...

Ugh, I think my comment got eaten!

Nonetheless, sign me up!


Also, thanks for the mention the other day. :) I can expect to be adopted into the family now, right?

Diz said...

Have I told you how awesome you are! I love this blog...

Big Sister said...

I'll take the deluxe family discount suite. I know a good psychiatrist and therapist who would be happy to live on site. Can I bring Sophie?

geekhiker said...

Sounds cool for the girls. I take it us guys are just taken around behind the barn and "put out of our misery" so-to-speak? ;)

Wow, that was awkward said...

Or you could just help them all get laid.

*taking cover

Lara said...

When do we start? I love this idea. Can we do it in California so that me and Kitten can get married?

Mandy said...

@Wow That Was Awkward: Women don't need help getting laid.

*Kicks Wow in crotch*

Big Sister said...

While Wow was lying on the ground, reeling in pain from the crotch kick, I stepped on his fingers with my spiked heels. And you wonder why us girls need a place of respite?

Dingo said...

I don't see anything about a wine cellar. A vast, voluminous wine cellar. I can see you are going to need to call me in on some consulting when this gets off the ground.

Wow, that was awkward said...

@mandy: Ouch. Could you rub a little with your heel?

@big sister: Nice stilettos. Heh heh.