Mr. Wonderful and I are headed up to Napa this weekend for four days of drunken, naked debauchery. Okay, we won’t be naked the whole time, but we will be all wined up and we’ll definitely be debauching. Maybe. Or maybe we’ll be really snooty and speak about “legs” and “bouquets” in British accents.
Anyway, I’m particularly excited about this trip because I’ve never actually been wine tasting in Napa. When I was a wee 23, my college boyfriend and I were all set to take a trip to Calistoga…and he decided to break up with me. Right before Valentine’s Day. Don’t worry, we got back together about a month later…and then broke up again the following year. And then spent several years being each other’s bootie calls… But I digress…
So for weeks, Mr. W and I have been counting down the days until our trip. Just last Sunday after returning from a hike up Temescal Canyon (which I totally meant to blog about) we were sitting on his bed, discussing the details of the trip, joking that we wouldn’t ever want to come back again.
I laid down on the bed with my arms splayed overhead, dreaming of what it would feel like to become a professional grape stomper. Mr. W toppled down next to me and when he scooted closer, he scrunched up his nose and said, “Whew!”
Apparently his olfactory receptors had come into range of my smelly armpit. Sure, we’d gone hiking—but I put on a bunch of freakin' deodorant. I should not have been a stinkfest.
“Why do I have to always be the smelly one?! Does the other pit stink?”
We both leaned in toward the other pit and decided it wasn’t as bad as the first one. “You probably just need to change the brand of deodorant you use,” he said. Or I'm a rancid freak who should run away and join P.U. Barnum's Circus.
As if it wasn’t bad enough that I stunk up the bathroom on our last wine tasting trip and farted on him in my sleep (oh, you guys don’t know that story yet…) now I’m the girl with the putrid underarms. I’m seriously beginning to develop a complex. And it doesn’t help any that he always smells good and seems to crap peonies and spongecake.
So yesterday I went to Target and I bought new deodorant. It’s some coconut-scented Secret stuff. I held the clinical-strength Degree for about 5 minutes before deciding that I was not in fact a special stench-case who required near-prescription strength anti-venom. We’ll see how it goes. It’s supposed to be 90° up there during the day. Add in a lot of alcohol consumption and my propensity to get hot and bothered around Mr. W and it could just be a recipe for disaster. I’m going to hope for the best though—and maybe if Mr. W’s nose ends up in my pit somehow during the heat of passion, the new scent will make him smile instead of dry heaving.
What kind of deodorant/antiperspirant do you all recommend?