Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Exercises in Moronity

Any time Mr. W spends the night, I have to change the sheets. Sadly, he is allergic to cats…and being a crazy cat lady, I let Monty and Zoe sleep in my bed when no one else is around. Thus, there is usually a thin film of hair on the bed at all times.

Last week, when I went to do a sheet switcheroo before Mr. W and I climbed in bed, I couldn’t find the nice, soft off-white set I like to use. It wasn’t in the cupboard, so I figured it was in the hamper. Drat. I made a mental note to do laundry.

So this weekend, I flung open the hamper and began piling various whites on the floor, anxious to get my soft sheets cleaned. However…they weren’t in the dirty laundry. I went back to the cupboard, certain I was having a stroke or amnesia. They weren’t there either.

Where in the world could they be???

Then a hazy image began to form in the back of my mind. I was doing laundry when my neighbor (who I call Charlotte on this blog) invited me over for a glass of wine. Somehow that led to looking at pictures from high school and the next thing I knew, I’d been at her apartment for two hours. Exhausted, I hobbled home and went to sleep. AND LEFT MY LAUNDRY IN THE DRYER FOR A WEEK AND A HALF.

I ran to the laundry room and sure enough, there it was jumbled on top of the dryer. My off-white sheets, some t-shirts, and worst of all, a bunch of my underwear.

As you may remember, it’s only women in my complex. But they are the kind of women who might judge a person by her taste in undergarments. And given that they already have opinions about me, the last thing I want to do is fuel their fires.

So when I saw my hot pink thong with the pink bunny rabbit pattern sticking out from the laundry pile, I was mortified. Bad enough to leave one’s clothes in the dryer for A WEEK AND A HALF—but to have a pair of bunny panties in there…I don’t think I’ll ever recover…

17 comments:

Little Miss Obsessive said...

LOL.. aw, I feel like this is so something I would do, heh. Don't feel bad, if anything they are probably jealous of your hot pink bunny thong. ;)

Lara Watkins said...

That is so funny! I was a little nervous to continue reading the post after the first sentence of "Any time Mr. W spends the night, I have to change the sheets."

Lara said...

Ha! When I first read the thing about you leaving them in there for a week and a half, I didn't get it...until I realized you share laundry! Oy. Poor you!

Nilsa S. said...

And you thought it'd be bad to have the ladies in your building know what kind of undies you wear. Oh no. That's not bad compared to what us bloggers will think. Muahahahah!

poopypants said...

well at least the bunny thong was still there and you didn't look out your window to see the old coot wearing it while watering the flowers :)

Mel Heth said...

Little Miss - Thank you - I feel better knowing I may not be the only one in the world to do this. I'm not sure anyone could be jealous of my pink bunny thong though...it's pretty silly. :)

Lara W - Get your mind out of the gutter!

Lara - Yeah...they were sitting out in our laundry room - nearly exposed to the whole world (or maybe just our 4 tenants) for 10 days!

Nilsa - I only bought them because they have brown polka dots and match the brown bra I bought the same day! :D

Poopypants - I think I just barfed a little. I don't think she and I wear the same size, thankfully.

L said...

Oh, I could very well do this at any time. The memory, it is gone.

laura said...

I'm with Lara W....after reading the first part about you and Mr. W. I had to cover my eyes (okay, one eye....i didn't want to miss anything good). I thought for a second the blog was turning x-rated.

Hannah said...

That's so funny. At least it wasn't trashy underpants.

Dingo said...

I don't know why I read the title as "Exercises in MINORITY". I read the post and was thoroughly confused how minorities fit into the picture. I thought you were going to say something about how some asshat stole your white sheets to wear to a racist rally or something. Oh, come on! You KNOW something like that could happen to you! The I Love Lucy scrapes you get into...

Yes, my reading this post was an exercise in moronity.

"Charlotte" said...

I sure hope you made sure they were all accounted for...I think "Bea" would have been thrilled to get her hands and her gorgeous 80 year old legs into a pair of your sexy little things...ooh I mean thongs. Only you and I could truly appreciate that visual... Love It!

geekhiker said...

Could be worse. Imagine being in your early teens, returning home from a camping trip on a bus, when your suitcase breaks open and your underwear is all over the bus. Not that that's the voice of experience or 'nothin...

The Coconut Diaries said...

Thank you, poopypants, for the mental picture of The Golden Girls in a thongs. Icky.

Semicharmed said...

Oh geez! It's horrible having to share a laundry room with your whole apt....but hey at least they weren't granny panties. Now THAT would be mortifying.

Anonymous said...

Perhaps Mr. W should bring his own sleeping bag and sleep on the couch.

Big Sister said...

Ooohhh - Mom's pissed at you!! Be glad it was just the pink bunny rabbit thong, and not the "Dancing Poodle Underwear" from the Shit and Spin. Now there's a story for the blog. Maybe I'll share that one next time I'm the guest blogger.

Alysha said...

That's awesome. Thanks for the laugh.