Wednesday, December 24, 2008

And Now: A Holiday Guest Post


This one comes from my big sister...

I know you've all been anxiously awaiting the sequel to "The Toenail F." Boys and Girls, gather 'round for another chapter in Hetherington Holiday Mayhem. For those of you who are new to this exciting holiday tradition, my cousin, Big T, and I exchange just about the grossest handmade gifts that you could conjure up. He started it all with a toenail charm necklace, followed by a matching toenail ring. There has been a cat litter ornament with Tootsie Roll embellishments, and another ornament with various items composed of DNA such as newborn umbilical cords, boogers, teeth, etc... Last year he presented me with The Toenail F. He saved his toenail clippings for a full year, and then formed them into a beautiful letter F (for my last name) and framed it. This year it was my turn.

Just about the time I needed to start planning my attack, my daughter and about 6 other extended family members got the gift that keeps on giving - lice. At first I was horrified, as any mother is when presented with parasites on her child's head, but then it hit me. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. When life gives you lice before the holiday season, make lice cufflinks for your cousin. Being the nurse in the family, I became the designated nit picker. I became quite skilled, I am proud to say, and collected each little critter in a ziploc baggie. My poor sister-in-law, who has long, beautiful, blonde hair was in tears when we found it in her hair. She was grabbing at those little guys and smashed a couple of them before I could get to them. I had to calmly beg her not to mangle them because I needed them for a craft. She cooperated after that little discussion.

Next, I needed to find just the right cufflinks with a nice white background for maximum contrast. Finally found the right pair on Ebay and had to have them shipped all the way from Hong Kong. Good thing the lice were free, because this was starting to get costly in shipping. I was so excited when I found the little manilla envelope in the mailbox with the Chinese stamps on them! It's craft time! Amazing what one can do with a bag of dead lice, some Modgepodge and toothpicks.

Big T was a little nervous to open his special gift at the family gift exchange the other night, but I think after the shock wore off, he kinda liked them. He even wore them in the buttonhole on his collar for all to see and enjoy. He has 367 days to start planning his retaliation....

10 comments:

Dingo said...

Best. Gift. Ever. You have outdone yourself!

justrun said...

Wow! Nice!

Happy holidays to all of you!

laura said...

this post did not disappoint. and the picture...well...there are no words.

Merry Cheristmas Hetherington's!!

Wow, that was awkward said...

(Thinking twice about applying to be adopted into the Heth family)

Alysha said...

Wow. I am so happy and somewhat disturbed that you shared that with us!

Rachel said...

This is absolutely the best Christmas story I've ever heard. Someone should make a song.

Anita said...

You Hetheringtons are hilarious. I would've threw up in my mouth if I wasn't LOLing so hard.

Mandy's Kidding said...

You're like a comic book family.

Lara Watkins said...

I don't know how T will top this...I know he's an artist and all, but this is truly amazing!

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