Saturday, January 3, 2009

Conflicting New Year’s Wishes


Happy 2009, right? I had been planning to write about the awesome worm composter Mr. Wonderful made me for Christmas. Or the fact that we’ve booked a 2-week trip to Greece and Italy at the end of this month. I wanted to be excited about all the things we were going to do together this year.

But instead I find myself waiting, wondering, and fearing how the future is going to pan out. Remember all those changes I was hypothesizing about? Well they may be upon me soon. Mr. W is leaving Monday to do a 2-3 week assignment in London…which could lead to a 6-month stint over there. The longest I’ve been away from him in the past year is 8 days.

There is a part of me that is fascinated by the prospect of this. Living abroad is something I always wanted to do but never seemed to get around to. Or, more accurately, never seemed to get the guts to do. If he went across the pond for 6 months, I could live vicariously through him. I could visit him and enjoy a free place to stay. But he’d be gone from me every day in between visits. And that’s a hard one to stomach.

I find myself caught now—waiting to find out whether he’ll get put on the film—hoping maybe it doesn’t happen. Hoping that maybe a local shoot will come up and entice him in the meantime. Hoping that my spring and summer weekends won’t be a string of Skype messages and tears.

But there’s also a part of me that wishes he would get the job and I’d lose my own. That I could go over and live with him a couple months while he wraps up filming. We could take the train to Paris and the ferry to Ireland. It could be a disaster…I could end up like Charlotte in Lost in Translation, wandering the city alone—or Carrie Bradshaw eating croissants all day solo in Paris. I don’t know how it would turn out.

I don’t know what to expect. But I know this is an opportunity he cannot afford to pass up.

So for now I just have to wait.

16 comments:

justrun said...

Or any or none of the above, and in one or five or ten years, you'll look back on it as just another stretch of time. Easy for me to say, obviously.
Whatever happens, how exciting!

Anonymous said...

I completely get your uncertainty and fear. This is Europe though and there could be a lot of good in it for you, both personally and as a couple. Separation from the one you love is never easy, but don't forget to count your blessings here. You're a tougher cookie than you think you are! If I can do 246 days apart from Randy while he's in Iraq getting shot at (without visits or Skype) you can do this - whatever ends up happening. Buckle up buttercup!
I say this with love, Karen

Amy Turpin said...

Remember, absence makes the heart grow fonder. Also, trips abroad are always fun!!!

Wow, that was awkward said...

I am certain this story will have a happy ending, which will really just be a happy beginning.

Mandy's Kidding said...

Change is exciting or scary, depending on your mood. I'm sure you'll keep flip-flopping back and forth, and that's totally normal.

Now that I'm unemployed, maybe I could go and visit Mr. Wonderful?

*Snicker*

jen tarara said...

fave quote: "Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage." - Anais Nin

'tis true, Mel....

brookem said...

wow lady! sometimes it's these random things that we never plan for that turn out to be the best things that could have ever happened to us.
wishing you all of the best in 2009.

ps!-- you WON my HOH holiday giveaway! email me for more deets!

Nilsa said...

Now that's a lot to digest, isn't it? I say quit your job (or take an unpaid leave of absence) and join Mr. Wonderful in London if the opportunity arises. That way, you'll never wonder what it would've been like to live overseas! It'd be a gutsy move, but I bet you'd never regret it!

Hannah said...

You are going to Italy? Oh My Gosh I am so jealous! You are going to have so much fun.

It is my favorite place in the world. Literally. I lived there for three months and it was wonderful. I did a lot of my site seeing alone and it was actually really fun. I found that the locals were almost nicer to me because I did not come across as a “tourist”. Lots of free coffee.

I can see why you are worried. Being away from your man is the worst. But don’t worry about this stuff, it is so exciting.

And P.S.,
Matty and I made it through my stay abroad. You guys will too.

geekhiker said...

Don't get too far ahead of yourself. Take each day and event as it comes. There's no sense in getting yourself all worked up about events that haven't yet transpired, right?

laura said...

For now just look forward to your trip to Greece and Italy...the rest will work itself out as things transpire.

Anita said...

I agree with Laura. Go see Europe (at least Greece and Italy anyway) and you and Mr. W will have plenty to talk about during the travels. I bet after this vacation, you'll know what you'll want to do about London should he get the job.

Personally, I lean towards you quitting or taking a leave and going there with him. Six months will fly by and you'll never look back with "what ifs." Plus, imagine all the great stories you'll blog for us during you European vacation! There's also so much more fodder to work with for your future novels/screenplays.

Mermanda said...

It sounds really exciting to me! Maybe everything will work out just right and you'll find yourselves living thrilling lives as expatriots.

Alysha said...

Having read your next post first, I am just going to agree, that with love, all things are possible!

charlotteharris said...

all I am reading here is... fabulous weekend trips to London...

Semicharmed said...

Holy moly, a lot has happened! London sounds like an amazing oppty for Mr W, but geez why does it have to be so far away? I do agree with Brookem - sometimes life throughs a wrench in our plans and in the end turns out to be the best plans ever. So who knows what will happen. But just remember the two of you love each other and no distance will seperate that.