Saturday, January 3, 2009
Conflicting New Year’s Wishes
Happy 2009, right? I had been planning to write about the awesome worm composter Mr. Wonderful made me for Christmas. Or the fact that we’ve booked a 2-week trip to Greece and Italy at the end of this month. I wanted to be excited about all the things we were going to do together this year.
But instead I find myself waiting, wondering, and fearing how the future is going to pan out. Remember all those changes I was hypothesizing about? Well they may be upon me soon. Mr. W is leaving Monday to do a 2-3 week assignment in London…which could lead to a 6-month stint over there. The longest I’ve been away from him in the past year is 8 days.
There is a part of me that is fascinated by the prospect of this. Living abroad is something I always wanted to do but never seemed to get around to. Or, more accurately, never seemed to get the guts to do. If he went across the pond for 6 months, I could live vicariously through him. I could visit him and enjoy a free place to stay. But he’d be gone from me every day in between visits. And that’s a hard one to stomach.
I find myself caught now—waiting to find out whether he’ll get put on the film—hoping maybe it doesn’t happen. Hoping that maybe a local shoot will come up and entice him in the meantime. Hoping that my spring and summer weekends won’t be a string of Skype messages and tears.
But there’s also a part of me that wishes he would get the job and I’d lose my own. That I could go over and live with him a couple months while he wraps up filming. We could take the train to Paris and the ferry to Ireland. It could be a disaster…I could end up like Charlotte in Lost in Translation, wandering the city alone—or Carrie Bradshaw eating croissants all day solo in Paris. I don’t know how it would turn out.
I don’t know what to expect. But I know this is an opportunity he cannot afford to pass up.
So for now I just have to wait.