Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Blasted Calendar


It was a weepy weekend. Could’ve been the rain. Could’ve been hormones. Could’ve been the night with my family that really seemed like it should’ve included Mr. Wonderful. Could’ve been the fact that we passed our marker for longest time ever apart. Maybe it was a combination of everything. Regardless, it was a rough one.

I seem to be in constant battle with the calendar. I have two of them staring at me from the walls of my cubicle right now…one is set to March, one to April. There are big red boxes around the days I’ll be in London over Easter.

I think once I can actually flip both calendars to next month, I’ll feel better. Because then it’ll at least be The Month I’m going to see him again.

But I don’t really want to speed through the year, continually anxious to get to the next calendar page. Time goes fast enough as it is, I really don’t need to be accelerating it.

People tell me to take advantage of this period and do all the things I wouldn’t have time for if Mr. W were here. Well, I am doing that. And it does make me really happy to catch up on writing and cleaning and scrapbooking…most of the time. But then the rollercoaster crests that pinnacle and starts racing back down into the pit of He’s Gone. And the next thing you know, I’m counting weeks on the calendar again.

When I get home from this upcoming visit, there’s a good chance I’ll get to have a weekend with him again in May. Memorial Day in Tampa to meet his mom for the first time. It’ll only be 6 ½ weeks of waiting in between. Then hopefully only another 5-6 weeks before I can go over there for my extended stay.

I know I’m being a wimp. I know we’ll look back on this in September and think it flew by. But I don’t want to feel like I lost a year to waiting. Nor do I want to feel like I spent a year doing really great stuff—all without him.

Okay I’m starting to irritate myself now… I’ll shut up.

10 comments:

charlotteharris said...

I know it sucks to leave him out... but keep "doing really great stuff without him" and the time will FLY between now and April. Stay busy and the date will be here before you can blink.

laura said...

waaaaaaaa....i have to fly to London in April and stay in a Penthouse for FREE....waaaaaaaa....I have to fly to Floriday in May....waaaaaa....I have to move to London for the summer and again stay in the penthouse for free.....sorry...no sympathy here. :)Seriously...enjoy the time while he is away and enjoy the time you are with him...it will all go by so fast.

SoMi's Nilsa said...

Something struck me as I was reading this. And that is relationships are hard. All relationships are hard. It takes work to make them work. If Mr. W was here and unemployed, you'd have one set of difficulties to work through. He's gainfully employed living elsewhere and it brings another set of difficulties to work through. This is good for you as individuals as well as a couple. Because you're learning coping mechanisms for dealing with tough times. You guys are doing great and you will make it through this time. Don't be too hard on yourself when you realize how hard this time is. Because it's a healthy hard. And before you know it, you can take all your lessons learned straight to London for an extended stay. Chin up, girl!

Mel Heth said...

Charlotte - You're right - It'll be time to visit before I know it. And I won't think about the fact I have to come home again...

Laura - Oh man you crack me up. I seriously just laughed out loud. Thank you, I needed that. I'm going to have to plan a trip down to OC before I leave in July!!

Nilsa - That's a good way to look at it. You're right - if he were here, it might be hard in different ways. And I've considered the fact that this absence might make the next one (which if there is one, will hopefully be in THIS country) seem like a cakewalk.

Mandy's Kidding said...

I would have a hard time with this too.

Hoo boy, would I.

Lara Watkins said...

I CANNOT believe that I'm not there for you. Reading this post made me want to cry. I love and miss you!

Dingo said...

I know this is hard for you both. It's one thing to have him out with the boys or visiting his family while you catch up on things you want to do. It's another thing altogether to have tons of time to do the things you want to do and catch up on because he's not around. It definitely doesn't feel the same.

Your upcoming trips sound exciting. You have a really good attitude about this whole thing. Geez, you're so freaking healthy and mature! I'd hate you if I didn't love you so much.

Anonymous said...

Remember this is equally difficult for him and though he may not express it, I am sure he has many of the same feelings. Absense does make the heart grow fonder. And remember, he's there with no one he is close to; you are with friends and family.

Jane Moneypenny said...

First, yes, you can be the good luck charm but have no luck yourself b/c that is me my entire life. haha

If being temporarily away from him is the biggest problem your relationship has, then you're doing pretty well! Ironic b/c most people are excited to get time on their own away from the SO, so as hard as it is, just consider it "AWESOME MEL TIME" (yes, in caps).

Hannah said...

I understand just what you are feeling. It's crazy hard to be so far from your man. But the time apart is all what you make of it. It can be dreadful or it can be fun. Choose fun (though it seems that it's so much easier to be sad. The time really will go by super fast. And you have so much to look forward to!