Sunday, March 22, 2009

Can't Take Credit

I am no wiser than you. I am not stronger. I am not more in tune with my intuition. I am not more courageous. I am not a better judge of character.

I do not deserve praise for my actions. I'm not worthy of envy or admiration. I shouldn't be recognized as making better decisions.

When I was with him, I wanted to stay put. Friends tried to warn me. Family tried to warn me. My ears preferred to be deaf. The hurt and frustration came in waves, like a daily tide you could predict by the position of the moon. I could see it coming, in the distance, again and again. I hoped, every time, it would be different. But it was the same. Over and over.

I clung to any shred of positivity I could find. Any kind word. Any semi-thoughtful gesture. I thought I could change him. I thought I could save him. I thought I could save us. So noble in my quest, I stayed and stayed, all the while feeling in my gut that I'd be better off leaving.

But I didn't leave.

Because I am not wiser or stronger or braver than any one else who is trapped under love's thumb.

The only reason my situation is not yours is that he set me free.

I am luckier than you, only because I was released. Not by my own hand, but by my captor's. And oh how I wish I could uncurl your captor's fingers and release you, too.

Because the freedom from that hurt tastes so incredibly sweet.


geekhiker said...


Is it just the freedom from the hurt? Or is it the fact that you found something sweeter? Something to ponder...

Semicharmed said...

Your words are so beautiful. I hope every girl in this situation hears this loud and clear.

Diz said...

this was beautiful... who was it to?

Mermanda said...

This most made me realize how much we have in common. You really do put it beautifully.

Mel Heth said...

Geekhiker - I think the freedom from the hurt was what finally led me to find something (someone) sweeter.

Semicharmed - Thank you. :) I wish people could hear it too but it's hard to hear anything until you're ready.

Diz - Who do you think it's to?

Mermanda - I'm intrigued...I think you may have a story just like mine. :)

Mermanda said...

I do believe that is true. I have a broken engagement in my past... but I secretly thank him every day for setting me free.