Thursday, March 26, 2009

I Get Paid to Do What?

Some of you may know that I write in-house at a well-known tech company. It's a great place to work. I love my job, and on certain days I can't believe I actually get paid to do what I do.

Although this isn't what the company hired me for, our fun little creative department has its own web portal with a blog—and occasionally, I put my blogging skills to use over there. I had a particularly good time writing this post, so I thought I'd share it with you all...

Mel's Tips for the Big Move
As you know, our two buildings will soon become one, closing open cubicles, clogging walkways and possibly toilets, and turning the coffee bar queues into Communist bread lines. It’s going to be tight quarters around here, but I’ve got a few suggestions to help you keep your sanity.

1. Shower at the office.
I don’t think the showers on the first floor get too crowded (yet). By getting here around 6 or 7 a.m. to take your shower, you’ll definitely be able to get a parking spot and you’ll probably have a chance to grab some coffee before your 9:30 meeting.

2. Get a hotplate.
The microwaves could become mighty crowded at lunchtime. Surely your cube neighbors won’t mind if you just whip up some cod or curry right at your desk.

3. Consider Depends.
I hear their latest design is really streamlined—you don’t see the diaper bulge in the back of your pants at all. Think of how much time you’d save by never having to wait for a stall or urinal to open. Your productivity could skyrocket.

4. Wear Bluetooth in both ears.
Not only will this make people think you’re on the phone—so maybe they’ll avoid talking to you—it can also work to drown out the noise produced by the 48 new neighbors you’re inheriting.

5. Bring your own soda.
That free soda fountain downstairs? Yeah, it’s going to be empty about every 20 minutes. Even the old fifty centers in the vending machines will probably be going like Purell at a preschool. I say bring your own 12-pack and lock it in your desk. You’ll save yourself hassles and money.

Good luck with the move!

11 comments:

geekhiker said...

*snicker*

Just don't show it to my boss. He'll take #3 seriously...

Mel Heth said...

GH - My boss is the one who made me write this! He literally wrote "good work" on it when it routed to him. :D

Dingo said...

Sadly, #1 is no joke. Both of my law firms had showers at the office and believe me, it's not so people could wash up after the gym. Most of us kept an extra suit or two at the office as well. Thank goodness we didn't need the depends.

SoMi's Nilsa said...

A 12-pack of soda? With a tighter work environment, I'm thinking a case of beer is more like it. =)

Mermanda said...

I want to hear more about these showers... this is intriguing!

Sweet Herald said...

mini-fridge. And you thought you wouldn't need it after college.

Mandy's Kidding said...

We're moving from the 2nd floor to the 9th floor and I'm concerned about the cramped quarters as well.

Big Sister said...

Sounds like you'll all be a very entertaining group around the office if they take your advice. Tell Pat I'll spring for a package of Depends & some extra Purell if he'll wear them, and I can have a video.

Wow, that was awkward said...

I love the bluetooth in both ears idea. For some reason it reminds me of my buddy who has a blind left eye. He has been thinking about getting a pirate style patch on the bad eye and a monnicle for the good one. I know, I know, different things altogether, but you reminded me of it which gave me an extra laugh.

Semicharmed said...

Depends!! HA!

laura said...

Love it....so true in any office environment...especially the cod and curry comment. hilarious!