Thursday, May 21, 2009

Because the Boy Has Needs

I’m meeting Mr. Wonderful in Tampa, Florida this weekend. At his mom’s house. Yes, I’m meeting the woman who not only birthed a strong-calved, sexy-haired culmination of smarts, sweets, and stellar cooking abilities—but the woman who, I hope, will one day be my mother-in-law.

And here, during this first meeting, I’m going to be doing it in her house.

It’s so wrong. SO wrong. But poor, darling Mr. W has gone for almost 6 weeks without any love. So I’m really just cutting him a break. It’s not about me at all. I am pure and chaste. He’s the coital villain here, folks.

What’s most upsetting about this situation is that his mom has to be thinking there’s a possibility of this sort of action in her house. Or maybe she has some sort of mental mom force field that prohibits her from having these kinds of thoughts. I sure hope that’s the case.

When I graduated from college, I took a trip to the east coast with my boyfriend and his mom, and she told him she knew we’d had sex in the NY hotel room the three of us stayed in. I was mortified. Especially because we didn’t lay a finger on each other (no pun intended) during that part of the trip!

On a happier note, when Mr. W and I were discussing the weekend, our conversation went something like this:

Mr. W: I’m a little worried about it.
Me: Why?! I was on my best behavior in St. Louis with the rest of the family! You know you can trust me now!
Mr. W: I’m not worried about you.
Me: Well what do you think she’s going to do, embarrass you?
Mr. W: No, I’m afraid she’s going to write you into the will.

Here’s to hoping I inherit the family fortune, kids!

15 comments:

Mandy's Kidding said...

Does your future mother-in-law read your blog?

Big Sister said...

What if she puts you in separate bedrooms at opposite ends of the house, and ties little bells onto the door knobs? Then what? You know that's what mom would do. No will for you....

Wow, that was awkward said...

You horndogs. Where there is a will, there is a way.

Dingo said...

She's going to looooove you right away and you know it. Take a can of WD-40 so you can spritz all the nails in the floorboards and springs on the bed. They know what you are doing but you don't have to let them KNOW what you are doing, ya know?

Mel Heth said...

Mandy - Come on, I wouldn't want her seeing things like the balls-in-the-mouth-I-love-you story...

Sister - I'm surprised Mom hasn't asked for her phone number so she could call ahead and make sure we'd be sleeping in different beds.

Wow TWA - I got your will and your way right here, baby.

Dingo - I like the WD-40 idea! I'm afraid the excitement and taboo-ness of this might be something Mr. W likes. He might want to start "living on the edge" more often when he gets home...

laura said...

gross!! you're not even married yet. :)

Poopy said...

All I can say, there is always the rental car :) Have fun, can't wait to hear all about it!

Sizzle said...

She probably will write you in the will. :-) I think Mom's just have a censor where they can turn off those thoughts. At least I hope!

Have a great time!

justrun said...

Perhaps wear a skirt below the knee, and a nice bonnet to enhance your innocence. :)
Or just bring her a gift!

Semicharmed (Brandi) said...

Hopefully Mr. W's mom, makes herself scarce for a little, so you can umm....help your guy out. Geez...boys and tools.

Anonymous said...

You gotta do something that will make the sexing look not-so-bad. Like bring your worm composty thing!
--the coconut diaries

Lara Watkins said...

Mr. W's mom is probably going to steal your birth control so you "accidentally" get pregnant and are locked in for life.

Jane Moneypenny said...

hahaha, that's AWESOME. You're going to get hitched, knocked up and have beautiful babies. It's great she loves you; parents are a big one and the fact you passed the test means she holds you at a high standard!

Your real mom said...

Not to worry; the mother-in-law and I have been e-mailing frequently. And yes, big sis is right- you will be staying at opposite ends of the house - just as it should be!

Braden Matthew Johnson said...

And I thought you were still a virgin....