Tuesday, September 15, 2009

When Life Gives You Dingleberries, Make…Travel DVDs

The past two days have started off pretty crappy. Literally. If you don’t want to read about poo, now would be the time to visit a different blog.

Yesterday morning, I rushed home from Mr. Wonderful’s house only to discover that I’d left my makeup bag in his bathroom. Thankfully, when I dumped my overnight bag onto the living room floor, my deodorant and hairbrush fell out. But I was forced to scavenge through my cupboards to find old makeup substitutes, and I had to blend my eyeshadow with a paintbrush.

Still rattled from running late and having to be innovative too early in the morning, I was more horrified than normal to discover something brown on the handle of my hairbrush… I wiped it off with a tissue and, being my mother’s daughter, took a whiff in attempt to identify the substance. Then I screamed and threw the brush into the sink, washed and sanitized it and scrubbed my hands like I was going in to surgery. How in the hell did poo get on my hairbrush handle? Seriously!!!!

I checked the only culprits in the house (Cat One and Cat Two) and could find no evidence on either of them. I looked through my overnight bag and found nothing in there…or on the shoes that were in the bag…or on the carpet next to the bag. It’s like a ghost appeared in my apartment, wiped his butt on my brush and flew away.

Needless to say, it wasn’t the best way to start the day.

So this morning, when I walked down the hallway to brush my teeth before work and saw a skidmark(!) on the carpet I almost ran from the apartment never to return. What the hell is going on with my life and poo???

I am now convinced that there is some sort of bad karmic payback or that my crappy attitude is finally starting to attract actual fecal matter into my life. What you put out comes back, right? This is not good.

And no, I didn’t somehow turn the dingleberries into DVDs like one would turn lemons into lemonade. It just seems that working on my trip DVD is the brightest (and poop-free-est) part of my day lately. If you have a Mac computer, I highly recommend iMovie and iDVD. Great ways to showcase your favorite photos…and forget about all the sh*t going on around you.

13 comments:

brookem said...

OMG!! it HAS to be from the cats, right? right?

geekhiker said...

Karma works in mysterious ways...

Wow, that was awkward said...

Ha! See!? You should always be nice to me!!

Mandy's Kidding said...

Skid marks are 100% comedy gold.

Scribe said...

It's like when you find "mystery water" on the floor and wonder if it's really water or...

I once mistook the toothbrush I use to clean out the drain for my actual, in-use toothbrush. It ruined my day.

Good luck in the clean-up and in finding the culprit!

Scribe

Lara Watkins said...

L.O.V.E. this post. You know how I feel about poo.

Anonymous said...

Perhaps it would be wise to keep a travel set of makeup, toiletries
and hair equipment permanently at
Mr. W's because then you would not have to remember then forget it!
Since you have your own bedroom; storage should not be a problem.

Mel Heth said...

Brookem - Or the poop fairy.

Geekhiker - Karma can suck it if this is the payback I'm going to get.

Wow TWA - I think I need to test this theory a bit more before I agree to anything.

Mandy - I dunno, I thought they were 100% carpet tragedy.

Scribe - That toothbrush story makes me want to cry a little for you. Thanks for visiting the blog!

Lara - I know how you are with poo, but when it's not your own, it's not as funny. Wait a minute, you're not in town are you...you aren't the hairbrush bandit...?

Amomymous - I sleep in a tent in the backyard usually, actually. It's further away from his bedroom.

Big Sister said...

Shi%#*& happens....

Sizzle said...

"What the hell is going on with my life and poo???" HA HA HA. That made me laugh out loud at my desk.

Sometimes the Universe isn't that subtle, you know? ;-)

PoopyPants said...

Thanks for the laugh! I'm with Lara - you know I'm always smiling at poop stories...and you KNOW I've got some doozies!

Big Sister said...

Allie was completely grossed out and can't believe you smelled it to see what it was. Thank God you didn't think it was a melted Hershey kiss, and give it a little lick.

laura said...

this is the first thing i read when i got home....Leah called me in NY yesterday to tell me about this post. Apparently she is a reader but not a commenter. SICK. But I would have smelled it too. Can't blame Bernie...he's been here the whole time, but he has been known to leave skidders around the house too, so I am sure it was one of your cats.