Tuesday, April 6, 2010

New Family Traditions: Porn and Lingerie

My Mom turned the conversation to porn on Easter. Yup, she’s classy like that.

It started out relatively innocently; she mentioned watching Jenna Jameson on Oprah recently. But, in grand Hetherington tradition, the conversation exploded from there—launching into a full-blown who-knows-what showdown. My mom made a comment about wondering how people “try out” for porn movies and prove that they can “perform,” and then next thing I knew, I was teaching her, and several other family members, the definition of the word “fluffer.”

I thought Jesus might rise again just to tell us to shut up the trash-talking on such a lovely holiday.

In more benign news, my cousin told me a hilarious story about her son last week. This is the cousin who was training for the half marathon with me (sadly, she broke her toe) and is married to Big T.

Anyway, she was telling me that lately her 2-year-old son has developed a fascination with her bras. Whenever he sees one in the laundry basket, he pulls it out and says, “Mommy, I want boobies!”

Like any good working Mom, she gives him what he wants in the morning—just to keep him off her back while she’s getting ready. So last week when he wandered in with her strapless bra and requested boobies, she was happy to oblige.

She tied her bra nice and tight around his tiny back and sent him on his way. As she said it, “He walked into the front yard in his bra,” to go see his daddy who was loading some stuff into the car.

When Big T turned and saw his son wearing a bra in the front yard, he nearly died.

“Little L!” he exclaimed. “What are you doing?!”

And Little L answered with, “Hi Jim” and a wave.

Yup, the next door neighbor was outside, too. Just in time to catch the toddler lingerie show. I'm sure he found it as funny as I did...

Just another normal week in the life of our family…

12 comments:

Sizzle said...

My friend blew an egg (photos on flickr- she was blowing out the liquid part) and we made many inappropriate jokes on Easter. Our families should totally hang out.

Wow, that was awkward said...

I can relate. I've seen my boy in heels and dresses too many times to count.

Mandy's Kidding said...

My son liked to wear my heels, bra and necklaces around that age...

Danielle said...

I want to know what a "fluffer" is?

Mel Heth said...

Sizzle - I'm so glad other families were engaging in debauchery. I'm sure our two clans would be hysterical together.

WowTWA - I think tons of little boys are fascinated with that stuff. And then they just grow up having foot fetishes or being boob men...

Mandy - My sister used to dress my brother up in similar fashion at that age and call him "Baby Susie."

Danielle - Come on! You've never heard that term? It's the person behind the scenes who makes sure things are done to eh...keep performers "at attention." They "fluff" to keep everything running smoothly.

laura said...

I should've gone to your family Easter...I didn't know what a fluffer was either. But I did just read your explanation below.

LesleyG said...

I feel like your family and my family could sit at a table together and no one would really notice that there were two families, only that the table was bigger than usual.

Alysha said...

Too funny! With a title like that I knew I had to read, and I was not disappointed! Thanks for sharing.

geekhiker said...

Well, it certainly beats the family sitting around and arguing about politics, doesn't it?

Mom said...

Perhaps there needs to be a bit of an explanation here. First we were not sitting down eating Easter dinner at the table when this conversation arose. We were actually sitting in the livingroom while some played pool. More of a
pool hall setting. I just innocently mentioned a topic I knew very little about that I had seen on Oprah and the fireworks went off. And how come you kids had so much information about this topic!
Mom

Big Sister said...

I'm just glad I'm not the only one who didn't know what a fluffer was. Leave it to my baby sister to know...and who knew my mom was such an expert on x-rated movie facts. Who says family holiday gatherings are boring.

Holly said...

Hahaha! That sounds like a hilarious Easter dinner conversation! Your family seems much more entertaining than mine!