Thursday, May 6, 2010

Why Wed?

Recently, someone said to me, "If you're not sure whether you want kids, why get married?"

It seemed to me a peculiar question. Why not get married? I've never really thought of marriage and kids as being inextricably linked. People have kids without getting married, and plenty of people tie the knot without ever having kids.

If one action (marriage) was created to facilitate the other (children) why would the ceremony be what it is? Why would it be about joining two people? It seems like it would be some sort of fertility blessing or a commitment to raising a family a certain way if it were really all about the kids.

And what about people on their second marriages? If they already had kids in their first relationship, should they not tie the knot again? Or people who know they are sterile? Should they scrap the whole idea of matrimony because it's not going to lead to progeny?

I guess some would say, "Why bother when you can live together and have just about the same exact experience without the red tape if you want to end things?"

But if you're going into a commitment thinking you might end things, I'm pretty sure you shouldn't be entering into it at all.

I want to get married because I want a public declaration of my love and dedication to the man in my life. Sure, I could just go stand on a mountain or rooftop and yell it out to the heavens. But I want friends and family there to witness it. I want to make promises to him. I want each of us to wear a ring—signaling to the world that we are off the market. That we're in it to win it with each other.

In my last relationship, I remember having moments where I thought, "Maybe if we get married and have kids, things will change. Maybe then he'll grow up and be responsible." That is so wrong, I can't even begin to go into all the reasons. I would much rather be where I'm standing now—knowing I will take the man in my life whether things never change a millimeter or change a lot; knowing that I don't need kids to rescue us; knowing that he fits me just right.

Maybe we will end up having kids some day. Maybe we won't. But either way, I guarantee we'll have taken vows to be faithful to one another because...well, why not?

10 comments:

Wow, that was awkward said...

Mostly for the fun party and all the loot/gifts. And hoping something happens that will show up someday on American's Funniest Home Videos.

Nilsa @ SoMi Speaks said...

That person who asked why get married? It's clear which side of the fence they sit on the Prop 8 issue. heh.

I'd cry if I saw you and Mr. W get married. You're already so cute and beautiful together (yes, both) and I now that ceremony would be so special.

Mandy's Kidding said...

Marriage is about two people, not the kids that may or may not come afterward. I'm with you.

Sizzle said...

I'm totally with you on this.

blakspring said...

who would say such an asinine thing? i totally agree with your response. well done!

Dingo said...

I want to second Mandy's Kidding's comment and add that getting married only because you plan to have kids casts your spouse as nothing more than a reproductive organ.

laura said...

I'm here to tel you...it's fine to be married and not have kids. if you want to have kids, GREAT...but do it for yourselves..not because that's what others think you should do.

Danielle said...

I agree with you too! That is such an old way of thinking or just a defeated one!

The Coconut Diaries said...

Did you punch that person in the wiener? I mean, if there was ever an appropriate WP moment, that was it!

geekhiker said...

I'm with WTWA: it's all about scoring stuff at the wedding. And tax breaks, 2-for-1's and stuff. :D