Thursday, July 8, 2010

Match vs. Mate

One of my favorite bloggers wrote a great post recently wherein she quoted Eat, Pray, Love on the topic of soul mates. It got me thinking about my own experience within the soul mate realm...

When I was young, I thought that every girl was supposed to marry her soul mate. Actually, that every person on the planet was supposed to marry theirs. That was the ultimate goal: Find that one person who made you complete.

But then I got a few more crow's feet around my eyes and knowledge in my noggin and I completely re-framed what I thought a soul mate even was. I used to think it was a missing half. Now I believe soul mates are sort of like our crutches and catalysts. And I don't think I'd ever want to marry one.

I find soul mates in my friends. I can see them in my exes. To me, they are the people who don't fill your missing half, but miss it right along with you or show you what you need to do to become complete yourself. These are the friends who walk alongside us and seem to end up going through the same peaks and valleys we do. "Parallel lives," I've often laughed knowingly with these people.

They are the mentors or short-lived boyfriends who you want to be with so badly that you sort of want to just be them. And they point out things you didn't know about yourself. And you learn from them. And you love them. Until you realize that their only purpose in your life was to hold up that pointer.

The other thing about soul mates is that I don't think they're meant to be consistent in our lives. Maybe they're there for a year or ten. But I don't think they're forever. Because you always need different soul mates at different places.

What does this all mean for poor Mr. Wonderful?

Well, he falls into a different category. One that maybe others could have fallen into, had I scoured the ends of the earth. Thank goodness I only had to look as far as Hollywood. I think Mr. W is my Perfect Match.

He's not there to be my missing twin, he's there to be my balance. His personality is the ebb to my flow. He's the kind of guy I would want as a business partner. The kind who gets things done and is endlessly reliable. He's the rational voice to my crazy. The calm to my upset. The laughing audience to my jesting. He fits me. And in the end, that's the kind of mate I want most around my soul.


Sizzle said...

This speaks to me so deeply. I feel the same way about soul mates...and about my Perfect Match (Mr. Darcy).

Isn't it good we got all that extra time to know this so that when we choose our Person, we're so certain?

laura said...

Very well said. I agree...and I think my hubby is the perfect balance for my craziness and endless shenanigans. I think every once in a while he even enjoys it. I know Mr. W is the same. :)

Nilsa @ SoMi Speaks said...

What would we do without our boys who balance out our crazy?!? They are the yin to our yang.

Danielle said...

Absolutely perfectly said!!!

brookem said...

amen sister :)

Natalie said...

love the way you stated husband is definitely my perfect match and you gave such a great and thoughtful description of a sole mate!