Monday, March 7, 2011

"You Look Like Crap" Is My Least Favorite Sales Pitch

This weekend, my mom, sister and I went to the spa for some pre-wedding relaxation and rejuvenation. As I laid face-down in the massage cradle, trying not to drool, I thought, "This must be what heaven feels like." I really think the best possible afterlife would be back-to-back spa days.

I appreciated that my aesthetician didn't tell me my pores looked like grubby, downtown potholes. She was kind and gentle and whispery.

A huge departure from the dermatologist I met with a couple weeks ago.

I think I've mentioned it on here, but getting married does some funny things to your head. You start looking at yourself a little differently because you know you're going to be taking pictures that will last a lifetime and suddenly you feel like you MUST look the absolute best you've ever looked. I have friends who got nose jobs before their weddings. Boob jobs. Spray tans. Teeth bleaching. You name it.

Well, my wedding hangup was a little bump next to one of my eyebrows. It's not even noticeable in pictures, but it bugs me. So I decided to see a dermatologist about getting it removed.

She was running 25 minutes late for my first appointment. Her nurse told me that was typical—and that sometimes she scheduled appointments only 5 minutes apart. When she finally came in to check out my bump, she was a little hopped up, possibly high from her onslaught of patients.

"What are we looking at today?" she asked, motioning for me to lay down on the table.

"I have a little cyst or impacted pore or maybe a mole that I'd like taken off. I'm getting married in a few weeks and want my face all smoothed out for the wedding."

She leaned over me, inspecting my head. Not a single line creased her face.

"You need Botox," she said matter-of-factly.

Now, I have a fair share of crinkles here and there, but no one has ever pointed them out to me. Or told me straight up that I need cosmetic correction on them.

"I'm not really a Botox kind of girl," I said, wondering if I offended her—there's no way her flawless skin was natural.

"But you're getting married. And that line between your eyes— You should get Botox."

We went back and forth a few more times as I tried to let her down easy. I was not going to buy into a pitch at a doctor's appointment. That's just wrong. She started to sense my annoyance.

"You have very pretty eyelashes. So long!" she smiled, trying to win back any shred of affection I may have had.

"Thank you."

"Do you use Latisse?"

Oy vey...

I think I'll stick with the spa in the future.


LesleyG said...

Oh my, bad doctor. Baaaad. I would say it's a California thing, but sadly I think it's more widespread.
I do really love how forward you were right back to her.

Sizzle said...

I have been to a dermatologist to get moles checked and she tried to push a bunch of "treatments" on me too. I suppose it's how they make money nowadays? Sad! I love that you stood your ground. You do not need botox.

Mandy's Kidding said...

ACK! That is so annoying and offensive. So much for aging gracefully.

laura said...

Ha! I'm so glad to you posted this...I heard a condensed version of this story (of course!) and I was so surprised because you, your sister and your mom all have PERFECT skin!! Not a wrinkle on any of you. Glad your spa day was more enjoyable. :) The countdown is definitely on now...good luck with all your last minute things... :) You will look beautiful no matter what...BTW...what's the name of the dermatoglist...I'm thinking I do need some botox!!

geekhiker said...

Damn, I'm glad to be a guy.

I remember once a friend asked me to Photoshop out the smile wrinkles from a picture of her. I did it quickly using the standard Photoshop tools. I personally thought that she looked less attractive afterwards, like all the life and history had been taken out of her face and replaced by plastic.

But of course, I didn't dare say anything...

Nilsa @ SoMi Speaks said...

There's something to be said about natural beauty. Nature has a plan for all of us and it doesn't take away from our beauty one bit. You rock for recognizing that!

Mel Heth said...

LesleyG - Yeah I think those nationwide Real Housewives shows are probably poisoning every state...

Sizzle - It's crazy! I've never had that happen before. I guess that is how they make dough. And I'll bet a lot of people take them up on their offers.

Mandy - I know. I'm holding tight to my love of Audrey Hepburn and Lauren Hutton - women who embrace their wrinkles.

Laura - Ha that's hilarious that you already heard the story. And you DO NOT need Botox! You don't have any wrinkles!!!

Geekhiker - Women are funny, aren't they? ;)

Nilsa - Thank you. :) It's true - I'd rather look like a wrinkled version of myself than a plumped, puffy version of someone else.

blakspring said...

hahahaha - that was priceless. and obnoxious. i had my eyebrows threaded last week (for $6 i figured i can live a little) and the lady kept trying to get me to dye them. finally i asked her, what's wrong with how they are now? she got all defensive and said, i didn't say there was anything wrong with them.
yeah - kookoo!