Monday, March 7, 2011

"You Look Like Crap" Is My Least Favorite Sales Pitch

This weekend, my mom, sister and I went to the spa for some pre-wedding relaxation and rejuvenation. As I laid face-down in the massage cradle, trying not to drool, I thought, "This must be what heaven feels like." I really think the best possible afterlife would be back-to-back spa days.

I appreciated that my aesthetician didn't tell me my pores looked like grubby, downtown potholes. She was kind and gentle and whispery.

A huge departure from the dermatologist I met with a couple weeks ago.

I think I've mentioned it on here, but getting married does some funny things to your head. You start looking at yourself a little differently because you know you're going to be taking pictures that will last a lifetime and suddenly you feel like you MUST look the absolute best you've ever looked. I have friends who got nose jobs before their weddings. Boob jobs. Spray tans. Teeth bleaching. You name it.

Well, my wedding hangup was a little bump next to one of my eyebrows. It's not even noticeable in pictures, but it bugs me. So I decided to see a dermatologist about getting it removed.

She was running 25 minutes late for my first appointment. Her nurse told me that was typical—and that sometimes she scheduled appointments only 5 minutes apart. When she finally came in to check out my bump, she was a little hopped up, possibly high from her onslaught of patients.

"What are we looking at today?" she asked, motioning for me to lay down on the table.

"I have a little cyst or impacted pore or maybe a mole that I'd like taken off. I'm getting married in a few weeks and want my face all smoothed out for the wedding."

She leaned over me, inspecting my head. Not a single line creased her face.

"You need Botox," she said matter-of-factly.

Now, I have a fair share of crinkles here and there, but no one has ever pointed them out to me. Or told me straight up that I need cosmetic correction on them.

"I'm not really a Botox kind of girl," I said, wondering if I offended her—there's no way her flawless skin was natural.

"But you're getting married. And that line between your eyes— You should get Botox."

We went back and forth a few more times as I tried to let her down easy. I was not going to buy into a pitch at a doctor's appointment. That's just wrong. She started to sense my annoyance.

"You have very pretty eyelashes. So long!" she smiled, trying to win back any shred of affection I may have had.

"Thank you."

"Do you use Latisse?"

Oy vey...

I think I'll stick with the spa in the future.

8 comments:

LesleyG said...

Oh my, bad doctor. Baaaad. I would say it's a California thing, but sadly I think it's more widespread.
I do really love how forward you were right back to her.

Sizzle said...

I have been to a dermatologist to get moles checked and she tried to push a bunch of "treatments" on me too. I suppose it's how they make money nowadays? Sad! I love that you stood your ground. You do not need botox.

Mandy_Fish said...

ACK! That is so annoying and offensive. So much for aging gracefully.

laura said...

Ha! I'm so glad to you posted this...I heard a condensed version of this story (of course!) and I was so surprised because you, your sister and your mom all have PERFECT skin!! Not a wrinkle on any of you. Glad your spa day was more enjoyable. :) The countdown is definitely on now...good luck with all your last minute things... :) You will look beautiful no matter what...BTW...what's the name of the dermatoglist...I'm thinking I do need some botox!!

Anonymous said...

Damn, I'm glad to be a guy.

I remember once a friend asked me to Photoshop out the smile wrinkles from a picture of her. I did it quickly using the standard Photoshop tools. I personally thought that she looked less attractive afterwards, like all the life and history had been taken out of her face and replaced by plastic.

But of course, I didn't dare say anything...

Nilsa @ SoMi Speaks said...

There's something to be said about natural beauty. Nature has a plan for all of us and it doesn't take away from our beauty one bit. You rock for recognizing that!

Melissa Maris said...

LesleyG - Yeah I think those nationwide Real Housewives shows are probably poisoning every state...

Sizzle - It's crazy! I've never had that happen before. I guess that is how they make dough. And I'll bet a lot of people take them up on their offers.

Mandy - I know. I'm holding tight to my love of Audrey Hepburn and Lauren Hutton - women who embrace their wrinkles.

Laura - Ha that's hilarious that you already heard the story. And you DO NOT need Botox! You don't have any wrinkles!!!

Geekhiker - Women are funny, aren't they? ;)

Nilsa - Thank you. :) It's true - I'd rather look like a wrinkled version of myself than a plumped, puffy version of someone else.

blakspring said...

hahahaha - that was priceless. and obnoxious. i had my eyebrows threaded last week (for $6 i figured i can live a little) and the lady kept trying to get me to dye them. finally i asked her, what's wrong with how they are now? she got all defensive and said, i didn't say there was anything wrong with them.
yeah - kookoo!