Wednesday, June 8, 2011

And Now, a Very Special Story about Night-Before-Wedding Sex Talks

My mom reminded me recently that a rather hysterical night transpired before my walk down the aisle and I forgot to document it here.

It was the eve of the wedding and, with much fanfare, my matron of honor sister had welcomed me into her home for a slumber party. There was a little white bouquet on the guest bedroom pillow for me, streamers on the wall and a banner that said, "Tomorrow's the big day!" with a picture of me and Mr. W on it.

It was all fantastic.

But the highlight of the night came after my sister, nieces and I had changed into our jammies and were lounging in the family room.

I don't quite remember how it all started, but Younger Niece, who is 12, whispered something to Older Niece, who is 16, that caused Older Niece to sort of scamper across the couch and let out a wail. (We call her Moana because of the frequent moaning she does when she doesn't like things.) After a little prodding, we got Younger Niece to just ask the question out loud. She was in a safe, family environment—we would be honest with her and not punish her for being inappropriate.

"I just wanted to know if it's verbal sex or oral sex," she said.

And then my sister and I proceeded to pee our pants.

The conversation that ensued was something I could have only dreamed of the night before my wedding. Endlessly entertaining. Highly informative. I went to sleep that night feeling like the most knowledgeable virgin bride on the block...

13 comments:

Mandy_Fish said...

I recall asking my older sister to explain what a blowjob was when we were about the same age. She had the same reaction as Moana.

Wow, that was awkward said...

I took my boys to the Boulder Creek Festival over Memorial Day Weekend. There was a safe sex booth that had condoms filled with air for decoration. Out of hundreds and hundreds of booths spread out over ten blocks, Will of course spotted this booth and stopped in his tracks staring. And then asked me over and over again what those things were and could we go look.

Sizzle said...

I can't stop giggling. That question is priceless.

Bif Sister said...

Welcome to my life....One entertaining conversation after another. Aren't you glad she didn't pop any sex questions out this weekend while she was staying with you? Your wedding eve was a really fun night, though!

Younger Niece said...

This is confidential...but I think that was a pretty valid question. Anyways, we will have to get together to clear up some more questions!!

Mel Heth said...

Mandy - I'm sure I probably asked my sister the same question. Although she's a nurse so she would've sat me down and pulled out some charts.

Wow TWA - Someday you'll probably be taking the boys to that booth to stock up before the prom or something.

Sizzle - It was awesome. I wish I would've had a tape recorder that night.

Sister - She did give me some laughs with her questions about using the bathroom over the weekend.

Niece - This blog is PG-13! You can't read things on her until August, young lady.

mom said...

I also remember the talk that the 12 yr. old received from her mother, when a bit younger, about the birds and the bees. Once again, after much prodding for an explanation. Whoa.........that reaction was worth more than peeing your pants! I am worried about the next questions she has.

LesleyG said...

Oh man, what a reminder that kids can surprise you no matter how old they get. Great that she was comfortable to ask that, even if she won't live it down for a while. :)

Raao said...

Was set to post a comment but
I must have writers-block...,
Your posts are priceless.
Sincerely,
Richard

laura said...

I was wondering when this little anecdote would be posted...because of course I heard similar version of it already, but much like the game operator...a few things were lost in translation. :) your nieces are wildly entertaining, just like their mom, aunt and grandma!!

Nilsa @ SoMi Speaks said...

Virgin bride? ha.

Love this conversation - definitely one to bring out during her wedding one day! =)

Jeff said...

Virgin bride...stop it, you're killing me.

Janice MacLeod said...

In our sex education class in the eight grade, the term Oral Sex was introduced. We asked what it was. The teacher told us. The class did a collective Blech!!!! We couldn't imagine actually enjoying the horror of oral sex.