I was talking with a dear friend last night and we were trying to figure out why exactly we miss our exes at certain times and not others. It's not like we suddenly see them on the front page of the newspaper winning Nobel Peace Prizes, or cruising down the red carpet with some gorgeous stick figure at their side. But somehow, they seem to pop into our psyches and no matter how hard we try to evict them, they won't leave.
Here's my theory on why this happens: We just need some attention.
I think certain girls (myself included) delight in the thrill of flirting or even just being laughed at by a man. It makes you feel a little more charming, a little funnier, a little more like you're standing on the edge of some sort of opportunity or possibility. You feel hopeful.
But when we're not getting attention, we retreat in our less charming, less funny, slightly hopeless, chocolate-eating place and it's THERE where we start to miss our exes. Why? Because at some point, they thought we were charming, funny, sweet as chocolate and it made us feel great.
What we need to remind ourselves here is that there's a reason they're our exes. Behind the occasional compliments, they may have been cheaters, beaters, bipolars or just big fat bores. We do not want to be with them. We do not need attention from them. And there are hundreds of better men out there.
So here's my fix for the ex-mind-invasion: Go find the attention elsewhere. I know, I know—strong willed, secure, sexy women can just look inside themselves and feel better. Well good for them. For the rest of us, I see nothing wrong with a little LOOKAT/TALKTO/LOVE me fishing.
I say, when you're feeling ex-sad, go flirt with a coworker! Make your favorite gay friend cuddle with you! Strike up a conversation with the check-out guy at Trader Joe's (isn't that what they're there for?)! I guarantee that after enough banter with guys from the present, the ones from your past will melt back into the mental muck where they belong.
Another great way to get attention: Start a blog. Hope you enjoyed my first post!