What Makes a Good Kiss

We've all been there: Trapped in a lip lock that reminded us of our last dentist appointment and the oyster shooter we did on our 28th birthday. Too jaw-straining, too slimy, perhaps a little too much like someone's tongue was playing Dance Dance Revolution in our mouths.

There is nothing worse than a bad kiss. Okay, fine there are lots of things worse than a bad kiss, but they're still not much fun...

I have tiny little chicken lips. And a small mouth diameter. But even I (handicapped and all) have mastered the art of smooching to a relatively decent degree. The thing is, I don't think it's that hard to be a good kisser. And it really makes me wonder how in the world bad kissers can even exist. Is it just a general lack of awareness of what's going on between two tonsil sets? Or do they think the bad kiss is good?

I know some cases are just a matter of the zipper effect—where the pull accidentally jumps the track and the next thing you know, there are weird empty spaces and teeth clacking together. The old "you go right, I'll go left" turns into a head-on collision or a "you drove right past me, turn around!" Sadly, these things do happen. Especially in the beginning of relationships.

But again, I insist that it should not be that hard! If you simply slow down, pay attention to what the other person is doing, and make a conscious effort not to swallow, head butt, or choke them, all should be good.

Oooh and how good good can be. A great kiss is like jumping into a pool of chocolate pudding. Delish! It's like an out of body experience where suddenly your mouth has become a separate entity whose job is to fly a fighter plane through marshmallows. A good kiss is decadent and time-stopping and temperature-raising. A good kiss can change everything.

So get out there and pucker up. Practice makes perfect!