Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Things Forgotten at Thanksgiving

Every year, people gather around the turkey and talk about how thankful they are for their families and friends and health. They may be thankful for their jobs, their cars and the summer vacations they took. Or maybe just for the giant meal in front of them.

But I'd like to take a moment to be thankful for the forgotten gems of the world. In no particular order, this year (and every year) I am thankful for:

Neosporin: Remember how the father in My Big Fat Greek Wedding put Windex on everything? That's me with Neosporin. It's a cure-all for cuts, scrapes, hangnails, pimples, chapped lips, even razor burn. I {heart} it.

Dr. Pepper: Coke and Pepsi can kiss my butt. Why drink cola when you can imbibe carbonated prune juice?

Salami and bacon: Now I don't consume these two delicious meats together, but I thought I'd put them on the same line because they are equally wonderful. I eat salami at least once a week and have been enjoying bacon on about a bi-monthly basis. Salty fat and protein...mmmmm....

Bobby pins: I have bangs. Sometimes they get wonky. A few minutes under the strain of a bobby pin, and my bangs seem to behave again. They're like little ninjas that beat your hair into submission.

What Not to Wear: Watching fashion-challenged people get ridiculed and remade on TV is some of the best entertainment ever. Especially after a long hard week at the office.

Pajama bottoms: Okay, so they're not the most flattering attire for your lower body, but they're so darn comfy! And again, after a long hard day/week, they're exactly what I want to wear.

Krazy glue: I have used this mutha of bonding agents to fix earrings, shoes, Christmas ornaments, papercuts and anything else that seems like it might hold with a little k.g. dab. (Note: krazy glue should not be used on broken hearts.)

Lotion: I hate having dry hands.

Caller ID: In the worst of cases, you can screen and send the telemarketer / ex-boyfriend / demanding boss straight to voicemail. In the best of cases, you can answer with a breathy, seductive hello or an enthusiastic and clever "to what do I owe this pleasure" when your new crush calls.

Parmesan cheese: The perfect companion to salami, this delectable fromage should be consumed in hunks—never sprinkled lightly over pasta. If it's in a shaker, it's not real cheese.

Pens and paper: Lots of good ideas come to life with these tools.

I could go on and on, but I'll stop here. At least until tomorrow when I need to be thankful for even more big and little things in my life.

No comments: