Break-ups suck. No bones about it. No matter what the circumstances—who breaks up with whom, whether it's amicable or nasty—it stinks to go through the parting process. And usually, it's easier to identify all of your partner's flaws than think about the good things they may have added to your life.
If they've wronged you in some way, it's especially easy to shine the spotlight on all their bad points and hate them for each and every trait. But is this really hurting them? Perhaps, if you two are still in contact and you berate them every time you speak. But more likely, carrying around that black ball of hatred is actually hurting you.
It's like poison in your system, and it will hold you back from the joy you deserve.
The best thing you can do is feel the pain to its fullest, process it and then let it go. This gets easier as each day passes. Memories grow fuzzy. Wounds begin to heal. The flowers in your life start to bloom again, and suddenly you can remember why you chose to spend weeks or months or years with that person.
We gain something from every relationship and every experience we have. Even if it's the lesson of, "I'll never do that again," it's still a lesson. It will work to our emotional benefit if we can acknowledge this.
I recently received a very complimentary and heartfelt email from an ex, and despite all the difficult things I went through with him, I was able to respond in kind and feel true gratitude for having met him.
It felt wonderful.