Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Online Dating is for Desperate People

Yup. That’s what I used to think. For years I vowed to never ever sink so low as to try online dating. A few of my friends tried it and who did they find? Losers.

Then one night, I got drunk with my ex-ex-boyfriend (who’s a great platonic pal) and he showed me a girl he had met online and was going on a date with. She looked normal. “You should try it,” he said between swigs of Corona. I took the mouse from his hand and clicked my way through “female seeking male” results. To my utter astonishment, there were some cute, interesting guys on the site.

All it took to push me over the edge and into an online profile was my sister’s encouragement. She could live vicariously through my adventures if I tried Internet dating. I went out with 4 guys. I will probably chronicle a couple of the dates in future posts, but I’ll tell you that one of the boys would not show his top teeth when he spoke (did he have braces? an unfortunate accident with Krazy Glue toothpaste?) and the other guy had a dimple that completely altered the entire structure of his face when he smiled. It freaked me out.

When I started my current job, I took down my profile and again declared online dating to be for the birds. Then thirty started approaching… It was out there in the distance like a train coming to flatten me on the tracks. And again my sister offered her opinion.

“You’re turning 30 soon, why don’t you just let me sign you up for online dating and I’ll find a boyfriend for you?” We compromised. Instead of giving her complete control of the reigns, I wrote my own profile and gave her my password so she could look through the pickins whenever she wanted and weigh in on who I should or shouldn’t contact.

This time, I was on a different website, and the dating took off like a rocket. In 2.5 months, I went out with 10 guys. It was almost more fun than I could handle—partly because (you guessed it) I came home with hysterical stories. Among my online man finds: An ex-professional male ice skater, a “waterfall hunter,” a CalTech PhD student, and my favorite, the Vice Mayor of a city near where I live. The last of the 10 was my ex-boyfriend (a fireman) who in the span of 14 months led me to believe the Internet could connect me with my future husband and my worst relationship nightmare.

After he and I ended, I again swore NEVER to go online. But ah my beloved alcohol pushed me into peeking around and the next thing I knew, I was posting a profile all over again. (This time it was because I saw a hot guy from my company on there…he never wrote me back…) Anyway, I went out with 4 more eligible bachelors and well, the rest is history…

The point of the story here is that there are plenty of non-circus freak amputees on the Internet. There really are some great guys on there—so we ought to scrape that sticky stigma off with a razor blade and throw it right into the trash. There’s nothing wrong with lookin’ for love online. And really, in our world of long work hours, overbooked social calendars, continual interaction with technology, and love of instant gratification, why wouldn’t we quickly search for mates and dates in an online catalog during our lunch hour?


Jane Moneypenny said...

Haha, the funny part is Penelope is a self-admitted self-absorbed selfish friend. Go figure.

As for online dating, a LOT of people bring it up to me once they find out I'm single (really, it's not a disease! Single is OKAY). I have yet to jump into it, but maybe when I move! Glad to know you found some good people and even better hilarious stories.

Semicharmed said...

hmmmm a "waterfall hunter" one must elaborate.......

I definitely have a lot of girlfriends do the online dating thing, and basically their stories are about as scary as yours. I've never tried it myself (being married and all) but if I was single, who knows. It's definitely another outlet to connect w/the opposite sex & it sure beats a smoky bar or being set up by your crazy aunt helen (of course that name has been changed to protect the crazy, I mean innocent).

Lara said...

I love online dating with you too :) Thanks for my male ice skater shout-out...Peace!

brookem said...


I used to be a little hesitant myself. But, at the same time, always curious and kind of... up for the challenge. I love meeting new people, knew that it would at least provide for some funny stories over cocktails with friends (and blog fodder), so I figured, why not give it a go?

I met a really swell guy on an online dating site that I'm on, and, so far so good.

I figure, if normal girls like you and I would do it, there have to be some normal dudes too, right?

P-Merle said...

Vector-dimple sounds par for the course. If you run into any more bizarre ones might you out them on my own blog dedicated to making fun of on-line dating profiles? Happy hunting!

P-Merle said...

And yeah, there really is possibility on-line. I went on 2 dates so far and although there was a mild misrepresentation in one (in my opinion), overall both experiences were worthwhile and non-inflammatory. :) My roommate is a wedding DJ and says plenty of his clients met on-line.

Robine said...


My name is Robine and I'm the webmaster of
I wanted to know if you could do a paid unbiased review of our product/site.

Please let me know if you are interested.

Thank you,

Robine Paige

Mel Heth said...

Robine, you're barkin' up the wrong sniffer tree. Only Dr. Hozienoggin can truly assess pheromones.