Monday, April 21, 2008

No Joke

Do guys joke about marriage?

Maybe I'm wrong here, but I think the answer is no. I think the M word and all related subject matter is so scary and life-changing, that men don't go there. If they do, it could open up a nasty can of worms they're just not prepared to deal with or bury in the flowerbeds. Right?

On our very first date, my ex said, "Maybe we should just get married." Given that it was so early in the relationship, it was pretty safe and funny to say that. He knew he didn't have to worry about the statement's validity.

But today, 5.5 months into the relationship we haven't even yet defined, Mr. Wonderful dropped a beautiful little pixie dust-covered wish nugget on me over IM—and maybe he wasn't thinking about it, but the lid to the worms did a full quarter turn. It started when he sent me a link to some crazy coworker's wedding website, and we were joking back and forth about how silly it was.

I said, "whatever, you know you're going to do the same thing when you get your Romanian mail order bride." (The coworker's new wife is Romanian.)

He replied, "True. But she probably won't be Romanian."

"Oh, sorry," I said. "Italian."

Then came the sentence that paralyzed me and sent me into a full-body hot flash: He said, "How about a Montrosian mail order bride?"

Montrosian. Montrose. I live in Montrose. I am that mail order bride.

"For the right price, I'll dye my hair black and learn to speak Italian," I wrote back.


I hope there was a tiny part of him that meant it. I hope it wasn't equally as ludicrous as my saying he'd order a bride from Romania. I hope when he says he's planning to live in the house he and his roommate bought for 2 more years, he actually only means 9 more months. And mostly, I hope he is not reading this post.


Jane Moneypenny said...

Hahahahahaha, nice. I know men to joke about it; I've joked about it with men I've dated (probably knowing both of us weren't serious). Wow, maybe it was Freudian slip?

You're just like me that you make a joke in response, unaware how to reply otherwise. A guy I was dating really just wanted it all the time and I told him to get a hooker. His reply was a compliment, "Hookers don't make me laugh." Instead of me saying "Wow, thank you" for complimenting me on my humor, I was so shocked that I could only say, "You don't know that. You're going to feel stupid when you meet a funny hooker."

Mel Heth said...

That is a fantastic story, Jane! You're right - humor always seems the safe (and right!) place to go in those situations. Thanks for sharing your very funny story. :)

brookem said...

ha, i loved your last line!

no, i dont think guys really joke about that kind of thing! sooo... hmm, interesting indeed. maybe he was just playing around, but maybe he was just testing the long-term-potential of your relationship waters, if you know what i mean?

Hannah said...

I agree with Brookem. He is probably just testing the long term waters. So that's a good thing.

We once joked about it when we were in our "I-like-you-but-I-don't know-if-you-like me-too-flirt-like-mad" phase. And Matt always says there is some seriousness (sp?) to all jokes. So I dunno.

Cute Story :)

laura said...

I've already bought you a shower gift and myself a dress for the wedding.

Michael C said...

I'm thinking he meant it...

Anita said...

Wait until you go to a wedding with him (supposing you haven't already). I went with my bf to a friend's wedding in Mexico about 4 months into our relationship. It's a nice gauge to see if they say 1) "this would be a great first dance song with you" or 2) "I'm glad I'm never going to have to spend $50,000+ for a one day event." (BTW, in my case, he didn't say either but we had a fun time).

Anyhoo, I think women in general can agree that the usual response she gets when the "M" word slips out for the first time in a relationship is crickets.

Mel Heth said...

Brookem - I like that theory. Water testing. I'm going to run with it.

Hannah - You and Matt are the cutest. I was just trying to picture you two water testing. :)

Laura - Is it the same shower gift and dress you bought for my last wedding?

Michael C. - I love you.

Anita - We have a wedding to go to in August. By that time, there should definitely be some good conversation cues, right?!

Alysha said...

I like it - especially the "most of all I hope he isn't reading this post". Because the entire time that I was reading it, I thought "Wow" Melissa has balls - he could totally read this! I agree with everyone, but I haven't bought the shower gift and dress, I'm always so last minute!

Anonymous said...

In my limited experience, most humor is based on truth. He may have been joking, but underneath the joke, some reality no doubt lies...