Thursday, May 1, 2008

Introducing: My Sexretary

Last night, Mr. Wonderful and I went to this new tapas and wine bar near my house. (Quite tasty.) When we sat down at our table, I noticed an acquaintance sitting across the room. Having never actually called him “boyfriend” (to his face at least) I wondered how I should introduce Mr. W if the woman walked over. So, I decided to ask…and he just smiled and said, “You can call me whatever you want.”

This wasn’t exactly the response I had dreamed of. I sort of thought he’d give me a nice, “Duh! Introduce me as your boyfriend!” But I guess his reply was better than, “Just tell her I’m your friend.” Or, “Don’t call me anything at all.”

Anyway, having the slightly warped mind that I do, I’ve been coming up with things to call him all day now. Thought I’d share my list. Oh but I’ll include an opening line so it’s like I’m really introducing him to you.

“Hi reader! Nice to see you. This is my…”

• Personal Chef
• Kissing Apprentice
• Libido Chauffeur (He does drive me wild…)
• Hoohaa King
• Snuggle Monkey
• Contractor (I just threw this in because he’s good at fixing stuff)
• Sommelier
• Orgasm Coordinator (Shhh…just close your eyes and it’ll go away, Mom.)
• Food Taster
• Booty Guard (Like body guard but...yeah...)
• And my favorite, Sexretary. (I’m sure he’d be great at taking dictation…)

7 comments:

brookem said...

ha! libido chauffeur is my favorite!

laura said...

you forgot booty call.

Lara said...

How about Bubuena Vista Social Club Manager?

Michael C said...

These are clever. I am laughing too hard to comment.

But kudos for going further and striving for real brilliance instead of using the easiest and cheapest one: ASS-istant.

Anita said...

boy toy, sex slave, sushi chef...to name a few more ;) (my apologies mom!)

Mel Heth said...

Thank you all for your suggestions. I will submit them to the board and notify you if Mr. Wonderful's title is renegotiated to include one of them.

Hannah said...

hahahah! That is so funny. This is fun.

How about these...

Baby’s daddy
Luvah
Pimp
Shmoogy-pooh (just to freak him out)

Oh there are too many!

You should make a wheel like the one on "wheel of fortune" but instead on money it should be all the names. Just spin in and whatever it lands on is how you will introduce him that day.