Introducing: My Sexretary

Last night, Mr. Wonderful and I went to this new tapas and wine bar near my house. (Quite tasty.) When we sat down at our table, I noticed an acquaintance sitting across the room. Having never actually called him “boyfriend” (to his face at least) I wondered how I should introduce Mr. W if the woman walked over. So, I decided to ask…and he just smiled and said, “You can call me whatever you want.”

This wasn’t exactly the response I had dreamed of. I sort of thought he’d give me a nice, “Duh! Introduce me as your boyfriend!” But I guess his reply was better than, “Just tell her I’m your friend.” Or, “Don’t call me anything at all.”

Anyway, having the slightly warped mind that I do, I’ve been coming up with things to call him all day now. Thought I’d share my list. Oh but I’ll include an opening line so it’s like I’m really introducing him to you.

“Hi reader! Nice to see you. This is my…”

• Personal Chef
• Kissing Apprentice
• Libido Chauffeur (He does drive me wild…)
• Hoohaa King
• Snuggle Monkey
• Contractor (I just threw this in because he’s good at fixing stuff)
• Sommelier
• Orgasm Coordinator (Shhh…just close your eyes and it’ll go away, Mom.)
• Food Taster
• Booty Guard (Like body guard but...yeah...)
• And my favorite, Sexretary. (I’m sure he’d be great at taking dictation…)