Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Sorry Ladies, This Charmer's All Mine

Saturday night, Mr. Wonderful and I were getting ready for bed when I started to feel a little slap-happy. He was brushing his teeth when I made a funny face and smooshed my boobs together, mustering as much cleavage as I could by sliding my biceps along the sides of my chest.

"Looks like two hamburger patties," he said.

"What?"

"Hamburger..."

"You're telling me that my boobs look like flat little patties of ground meat?"

"Well..."

"Dude! No way to win over a woman!"

"I meant more like hamburger buns."

"Uhh..."

"And not just any old hamburger buns but like the big ones you buy at Costco."

"You're not really making it better."

I know, all the female readers are crushed that he's taken...

15 comments:

surrogate big sis said...

It's as if you've been married for 15 years!

Sometimes not so Mr. Wonderful said...

She forgot to mention that I finished that all up with "I'm drunk". So in my defense, it's forgivable.

Mel Heth said...

Surrogate Sis - Haha yeah - I can picture my dad saying something like this to my mom for sure.

Mr. Always Wonderful - I didn't put that part in because you weren't drunk! It's okay, nobody can be perfect all the time. You're allowed one day out of the year. :)

LesleyG said...

Oh, poor guys. The filter sometimes goes on break without warning.

Nilsa @ SoMi Speaks said...

He puts a ring on your finger and loses all couth! That's ok, once Sweets and I tied the knot, he started farting all the time. Like never before. Just wait for what's in store for you! This is just the beginning. hahaha.

Mandy said...

I read the title and said, "Ruh roh!"

*Laugh*

Danielle said...

Ok, I think this is funny as hell. Men just have no idea sometimes, but you have to laugh at them!

laura said...

A Costco hamburger bun? In my husband's mind, this would be the biggest compliment of all time!

Mel Heth said...

Lesley - Is that what it is? I thought maybe it was the inability to think clearly when they see boobs. :P

Nilsa - I think farts are the funniest thing ever, so I might welcome that change. I can't picture sweet little Sweets ever doing anything like that, btw!

Mandy - Haha, thanks Scooby.

Danielle - It was pretty funny. It's great when they try to backtrack and that just makes it all worse.

Laura - I think the biggest compliment from your husband would be if he told you your boobs looked like two ipads.

Mom said...

OMG! TMI! Hamburger buns and boobs brings to mind the grandpa P story when you were a baby!

Sizzle said...

I kinda love that he finished it up with "I'm drunk" when he clearly wasn't. Hee hee.

Michael C said...

He's trying ;-)

Big Sister said...

I did think you were marrying a quiet version of dad, but now I'm certain it is Grandpa Pruden. "Yep, Welp, Melissa, they look like hamburger buns..."

Jane Moneypenny said...

Hey, it's better than guys trying to throw popcorn into my cleavage at the movie theater...

thecoconutdiaries said...

Hahahahahaha. I'm pretty sure that since he related to food, he considered it a compliment. It would have been offensive had he said they looked like Play-Doh or training wheels.

I applaud his restraint.