Thursday, January 6, 2011

So Over the Whelming

I just looked up the word "whelm" to see if it was in fact a word on its own. Here's what Merriam-Webster.com had to say about it:

whelm: to turn (as a dish or vessel) upside-down usually to cover something : cover or engulf completely with usually disastrous effect.

I am the dish. I am the vessel.

But the funny thing is that I keep turning—so one minute I pop up out of the water and dry off, then the next I'm upside-down again, covered over. Whelmed.

The past six months have included more milestones and transitions than I've experienced in the past six years. There was the engagement. And the beginning of the planning. And the offer on the house. Then the moving of the roommate. And the moving of me. And Christmas. And wine-tasting after Christmas (which was fun at the time, but man could I have used those two days more productively). And the relandscape.

And now we are quickly approaching the part where Mr. Wonderful leaves me for London for two months and I climb into the saddle of house guardianship, while trying to keep all the wedding plates spinning at the right speed.

Last night I was trying to finish a slideshow we're putting together to run behind the bar at the reception and Mr. W came to tell me he was going to bed...and I melted down. My vessel capsized and the next thing I knew, I was drowning in tears.

I don't like to ask for help. I am a control freak to my core. So I usually take on too much, thinking I can handle it all (even when I'm already overcome by other things, like for example the fact that my fiance leaving town and not returning until the week before our wedding). And it always leads me to the same end spot: Stress. Overwhelm. Bathroom blubbering.

Mr. Wonderful told me I need to seek out assistance. I need to communicate to him—or family or friends or strangers in line at the grocery store—that I need help.

I'm going to try. Maybe I'll start by asking you guys to help me remember that I'm supposed to be doing this...

10 comments:

Jane Moneypenny said...

I was JUST talking to my BFF about this; her husband never worries, never stresses, asks for help, etc. I'm just like you. I moved completely alone, even though I could have easily asked for help. I'm noticing that people who never worry or stress seem to still get things done and with a much more peaceful and happy attitude... so what am I doing by freaking out?

Sizzle said...

Lady, I can relate to the whelming. I know we email about this but I figured I'd chime in to say this is so normal. As one control freak to another, I get it. And you know what? Living with Mr. Darcy has made me less controlling- because I notice how much I do it and how little it serves me (and him and our relationship). It's been tremendously hard to see that about myself but tremendously freeing to let it go bit by bit. Maybe that's the gift in all this whelming?

And not that you need it but as an event planner (and friend), I am happy to help or advise in any way you might need. Or if you just need to vent, I'm here to listen.

geekhiker said...

Are you supposed to be doing this (i.e. marrying Mr. W)? Of course. But do you need to be doing as many things to put pressure on yourself? Hell, no. Let someone else take care of the slideshow. Hell, forget the slideshow. The wedding is about the two of you and your love for each other, not the audio-visual presentations, and if doing stuff like that is only serving to add to your stress, I say forget about 'em. Keep it simple, is my advice, and concentrate on YOU.

You've Got to Be Kidding Me said...

Geekhiker is right. Either get someone else to do the slideshow or ditch the slideshow. And it's not really about the slideshow, we all know that. But this and other slideshow-esque stuff is not necessary to the main even and the lack thereof will not ruin your wedding or make people feel like "something was missing" at your wedding. So going forward, ask for help and if you can't get it, start prioritizing!

P.S. I'll help you with the slideshow but I may sneak in some inappropriate photoshopped images of you and Mr. W.

LesleyG said...

Woah, sista. I didn't know you'd be left to your own devices for 8 weeks. But, you know what, you've come a long way, girl. And you can handle it. Rather, I should say, you will handle what you need to handle. My advice, not that I'm an expert, is not to try to keep all the plates expertly spinning but instead become an expert at knowing which plates deserve spinning. In fact, my prediction is you will do just that.

But if you need it, I'll be happy to coach you into dropping a plate or two in the meantime. I'm an excellent dumper. :)

Mel Heth said...

Jane - I think people are just wired differently. Mr. W never exhibits any signs of stress either. Everything just slides off his back.

You're right in your thinking though - what's the point in freaking out. I guess we're just emotional girls. :)

Sizzle - I'm so glad I have other control freaks like you in my life to tell me I'm normal. :) It's really hard to let go of stuff when I sort of want certain things to be perfect for this big day (and I know I'll make them that way...whereas others may not).

Thank you for your offer to help! I will for sure let you know if I need any plannerly advice!

Geekhiker - I know I'm supposed to be marrying Mr. W. I meant I need help remembering that I'm supposed to be asking for help. :) As far as the slideshow goes, it was really my own fault. That's something I could have left for next month, but I was trying to get it done before Mr. W left so he could "approve" it. I guess I need to stop with the self-imposed deadlines...

YGTBKM - Maybe you could steal pictures from my Facebook page and Photoshop them into inappropriate shots and then make your own slideshow. You know, as a wedding present to us. :P

I know I need to let things go. I'm trying to learn to delegate more...hopefully there'll be a future post about that.

LesleyG - Yup, 8 weeks. Want to come visit? :P After the meltdown, I started looking at the plates and am now trying to delegate some to family and friends. Part of my issue was just trying to get a bunch of stuff done before Mr. W left...so hopefully things will ease up a bit after next Monday!

Nilsa @ SoMi Speaks said...

I've been there, sweetie. I remember similar sentiments when wedding planning. Sweets was always willing to help out, but I usually had things under control. And then, the minute I was on the brink and he'd say "I'm going to sleep," that's when I'd crash and burn, too. Because all I wanted him to do was ask me if I needed help. In that minute. It didn't matter he'd offered a million times previously. It didn't matter that I knew I could ask him and he'd say yes. No, in that moment, what mattered was I needed help and he was going to sleep. MELT-DOWN! It gets better, hon. Even with Mr. W living across the pond, It will get better. Because at the end of this road is an aisle. And at the end of that aisle is Mr. W, waiting for you. And when you see him and only him and that look on his face. Well, all this blubbering will melt away and you'll be reminded why the past 9-12 months were so incredibly crazy! xoxo

Danielle said...

I too am a control freak, but since I have had my daughter, I have learned that I do need help and people actually like to help me. Shocker!
You are doing great and the end result is going to be so worth it! Keep in mind the end result!!!! Happiness and bliss!

laura said...

No matter what...your wedding day will be perfect. Don't focus on getting everything done just right...you're putting too much pressure on yourself, and no one will know any different. Im thinking of my own wedding...and the timing of it... (9/11) ... the last thing that mattered were if the flowers were right...or if our favors had my name wrong on them. All 200 hundred of them. Not that i'm bitter. But the point is, no one will remember the details, they will only remember how happy you and Mr. W are....and, no matter how much control you want to have, the fact is, some things are out of your control. So focus on the marriage, not the wedding. :)

blakspring said...

it's ok to ask for help. i bet so many friends are willing to help but don't know how unless you tell them what you need. and don't go crazy with the wedding planning. you can skip some details that no one will ever notice. it will be your day to experience happiness and love and share those feelings with your family and friends. a slideshow or other stuff won't make or break the day.