All at Once

I remember thinking in 2003 that my world might collapse. I had moved into a new (more expensive) apartment, and the next thing I knew, the rug came out from under me. My cat got sick and accrued a rash of astronomical vet bills. The guy I had been dating broke up with me. And a week later, I found out I was getting laid off from my job.

I was in debt, broken-hearted, and completely uncertain of where I was headed.

I can vividly recall lying on my back, on the living room floor, sobbing. It wasn't the first time I'd done it. My last apartment's ceiling had witnessed break-up breakdowns, too. More than once.

I wanted that soft, off-white plaster to just suck me up into it and spit me out somewhere else where I didn't feel so lost and sad.

I wonder if caterpillars cry when they outgrow their cocoons and have to move on to being totally different little insect beings.

Obviously, despite what felt like a very heavy load, I came through that hard time. Having all that tough stuff thrust my way at once only made me stronger and more prepared to deal with difficult times in my future.

In the last couple weeks, I've been feeling my mental and emotional cocoon begin to crack again—but this time it's because of more exciting things. This time, the butterfly doesn't really have too many tears of sorrow...maybe just some tears of joy.

As I've confessed on this blog, I've been researching and starting to pre-plan some wedding stuff. Mr. Wonderful made the mistake of giving me an inch and I grabbed hold and ran a half marathon with it. Then we started talking about the living situation. And the next thing I knew, I was filling out loan paperwork and boarding the real estate roller coaster.

I'm at that tipping point of change and it's so very exciting to me this time around.

Feeling so confident in my load-bearing abilities, I must have put a vibe out into the world that said, "Go ahead! Lay it on even thicker! I'm READY!"

And the Universe responded.

Saturday afternoon, in the lovely golden hills of San Luis Obispo, Mr. Wonderful asked me to marry him. Oh, how I'm relishing this all at once.