Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Eurekugh

Since being the third-, fifth-, and seventh-wheel over the weekend, and watching the nuptials of a long-ago ex, I’ve had this funny feeling shawled around my shoulders.

I thought it might’ve been the time change. Or the crummy hotel rooms I got stuck in. Maybe a lack of greens in my diet.

But something was just making me feel off.

Yesterday morning on the drive in to work, where I do some of my best pondering, I figured it out. What I was feeling was longing. Longing to have what so many of my friends have. A desire to do what The Boss and his Bride did. To stand up with the person of my dreams and gush on and on about how much I love him. Then, hold his hand and listen as he tells me, and everyone we care about, how he’d waited his whole life to find me. How he remembers the moment he knew I was the one for him. How he loved everything about me so much that he just had to spend the rest of his life with me.

I want to look into his eyes and see a hundred memories. A lifetime of little moments that only he and I understand. I want him to finish my sentences and dust lint off my coat. I want to run my fingers through his hair every night until he falls asleep. And snuggle against him every morning. Make breakfast in socks and a t-shirt.

After my last relationship, I buried this longing. There was just too much pain to let it see the light of day. But now all the dust of heartache has settled I can’t help but pull it out from its hiding place.

It feels so heavy right now. But maybe if I carry it around for awhile, I’ll get stronger and forget it’s even there.

11 comments:

Diz said...

Mommy this made me get all teary and sentimental. Love you!

Mel Heth said...

Thanks, kitten. I love you too!

geekhiker said...

Do I need to come over and tell Mr. Wonderful to get going? Is that what you're hinting at here? ;)

Kidding aside, I think all but the most confirmed bachelors/bachelorettes have that feeling, whether it be on the surface or buried deep down. For myself, I am never too sure. Some days I still want it, some days not, and of late I find I don't seem to care much either way.

What that says about me, I don't know, but what it says about you, I think, is that you will find what you seek. Don't let it weigh you down: it's your spirit's way of pointing you towards the ultimate destination of the journey you're on. And you'll probably reach it sooner than you think.

Dingo said...

Hey Girl! It is the little things, isn't it? The inside jokes, the quirks that only you know about... Sometimes it seems that getting to that point with someone new is so overwhelming because you want that history and that feeling right away.

I don't have any words of wisdom. I just want to let you know that I understand.

And eat more greens.

Alysha said...

Isn't that every girls longing, whether it be on the surface or deep down inside. That is why they make millions on the same old story in yet another chick flick! But as you see that perfect story in someone else life and think, I want that, don't you also realize that that moment is worth waiting for, so that you do have those millions of shared moments in each others eyes, and you really, truly know that you want to be walking around with that person in another 40 years, when they are cute in a totally different kind of way? Thats what I always remind myself, there are a million relationships out there, that I definitely do not want, I'd rather be alone, and a few that I want to emulate....

Michael C said...

I won't even try to be funny right now. I say make it happen!! You want it, you deserve it, so go get!!!!!!
:-)

brandy said...

I can completely and totally relate to this. Wedding season is a tricky time for me.

brookem said...

i totally get this.

you deserve all that you long for. and one day, it will all come true for you.

Jonathan said...

Wonderful blog post.

I guess we all get attacks of the lonelies sometimes - even those of us in relationships.

It reminds me of the old saying - about it being better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all... which you never want to hear when you're down, but makes perfect sense sometimes.

I just wandered in here from Blog365 btw - great blog!

Mel Heth said...

Diz - XOXO

GeekHiker - Thanks for the offer. ;) I think I liked it better when I was in the same boat as you - not totally caring.

Dingo - It is the little things. And I will eat more greens. :)

Alysha - I know you're right. Sometimes I just wish it would all descend upon me a little faster.

Michael C - Are you saying I should go buy a ring? :P

Brandy - Thanks for stopping by. :) I think wedding season is tricky for all us singletons!

Brookem - You are very sweet. Thank you.

Jonathan - Thanks for stopping by! You're right...sometimes it's hard not to feel lonely even when you're far from alone.

Nilsa S. said...

Or maybe you can use that to thrust you into your next relationship. It's funny how people just seem to know when you're really ready to dive into your next relationship. Maybe that time for you has come.