Monday, June 2, 2008

Ira Strikes Again

Those of you who read regularly may remember when Ira Rubenstein* emailed me last month. He and I dated back in 2005…and after 3 dates I decided I was definitely not interested in a 4th.

I did not respond to his cheerful “wondering if we could pick up where we left off” message. I sort of meant to, but I wasn’t really sure what to say…and then so much time passed, it just seemed unnecessary.


This weekend, I got a request to become Ira’s Facebook friend. It had the same line as his email intro did—“heya there. long time. hope you’re well.”

I deleted it immediately. But then I realized that if I keep ignoring Ira, he might just keep trying to contact me for eternity. He might even be reading this blog. Or looking up where I work on my website. Or hiding in the bushes outside of Mr. Wonderful’s house in his Harry Potter invisibility cloak. He might come in through my window like Robert Downey Jr. and try to take a nap with my cats.

For these reasons, I’m wondering if I should reply to him. If I should just say, “Look, it’s really nice you want to be in contact with me, but I have too many friends to keep track of these days and I just don’t have room for another.” Or, “If you’re looking to reconnect, I’m sorry to say that I have the most wonderful boyfriend in the world and absolutely no need to talk to anyone from my online dating past.” Or maybe, “Remember when you lied and said you met Bono? You’re retarded and I want nothing to do with you. Stop emailing me.”

What is the proper protocol in a situation like this? Should I just let it lie and keep ignoring him if he continues to pop up in my inbox?

*Mr. Wonderful is a nicer person than I am and encouraged me to change people's names in my Ira R. isn't his real name, but it's darn close.


laura said...

Ira Rubenstein (LOVE the name...can't even imagine what the real one is) is not taking the hint...after you ignored him the first time he should've let it go, but since he tried to contact you again, you have no choice but to tell him about Mr. Wonderful.

Michael C said...

Just go with the ole 'facebook only allows me to have 188 friends and unfortunately you'd be #189' line. I use it all the time.

JustRun said...

Um, a combination of all of the above maybe? :)

This makes me think of all the people who could contact me at any time and who I SO do not want to hear from. Yikes.

Dingo said...

I wouldn't go with the second one, the "I'm sorry to say" makes it seem like he has a snowball's chance in hell -- and really, if he's contacting you after all this time, he's looking for that snowball.

You could just say, "No, thank you." It's polite, to the point and if he doesn't get it this time, you may need to change your identity and move to Peoria. But seriously, I think a "No, thank you" will do and then no other communication, even if he emails back.

brookem said...

oh god, IRA! i remember him. i just re read the email that you and i wrote about him a couple days ago, lol.

i think a simple, thanks but no thanks type email is in order. he clearly aint getting the hint. so maybe something like- "i wish you the best, but im just not interested in really maintaining a relationship with you at this point, as i am involved in a happy relationship of my own now."

good luck!

Jane Moneypenny said...

Ignore! Ignore! Ignore!

Anonymous said...

First off, remember: guys are often stupid. When it comes to women, colossally so.

As such, you essentially have two options: 1) Ignore him and hope that he goes away (this methodology will work, but depending on his desperation level, may take years) or 2) Send him a short, simple e-mail saying that you are not interested in further contact, you have Mr. Wonderful, hope he has nice life.

Best of luck to you... :)

Anonymous said...

I agree with Geekhiker. Ignore him and hopefully, he'll go away!
Don't give him the satisfaction of an answer. You don't have time to mess with his games - spend your time with Mr. Wonderful.

Alysha said...

I always try the passive-aggressive, it has been a long time. Have a great life. But generally think honesty is the best approach - or a twist on honesty, I'm in a serious relationship and he prefers that I don't have contact with any past relationships... build the ego while forcing him out of your life! Good luck!

Anita said...

Take 2: (As written by Mr. W from Mel's email address)

"Dear Ira, This is Mr. Wonderful. I am Mel Heth's wonderful boyfriend (duh). Stop contacting her or I will come and beat you up. Good luck with things. - Best Regards, Mr. Wonderful"

I hate uncomfortable situations like this one so this is my dream scenario of me not needing to deal with reality. So I'll leave it to your other faithful readers to give you advice since all of it is great.

Michael C said...

Of course you could always tell him that you have to go x-ray your chicken. That takes up a lot of time...

Mel Heth said...

Laura - Maybe I can just get his phone number and you can drunk dial him for me.

Michael C - Facebook limitations and chicken x-raying are both perfect excuses. Love them.

Justrun - Yeah the beauty of the Internet is that the whole world is trackable!

Dingo - Good point about the "sorry." I don't want to send ANY snowballs his way.

Brookem - Glad you remember him. ;) Your suggestion was very polite - I like.

Jane - Hahahaha

Geekhiker - Thanks for the male perspective. I think I'll probably go with option 2.

Amomymous - I'm not sure the ignoring will really work, though...

Alysha - You crack me up! We gotta get you off the passive-aggressive track! :P

Anita - Brilliant! What a nice spin on replying. If only he'd know for sure it wasn't just me pretending to be Mr. Wonderful... :)