When my 21-pound cat was a kitten, I had the brilliant idea of buying him a harness and leash so I could take him on walks. Though he resisted, I wrangled him into that harness and promptly got distracted by a phone call. Then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a black flash flipping and bounding from the carpet to the couch to the coffee table. Poor little Monty had tried to get his evil walk-taking contraption off and got his tiny kitten teeth stuck in it. So naturally, he went into complete jumping, running, panicking spasms all over my apartment.
When I finally caught him (most likely in mid-air) he was panting and his little feline heart was thumping through 7 or 8 lives. I almost turned myself into the ASPCA.
Today, I felt Monty’s pain.
One of my coworkers often wears multiple necklaces—and she always looks so stylish and cute. Why can’t I wear more than one necklace? I thought this morning, as I stared at my naked clavicle.
I pulled a cute red and turquoise beaded wire wrap one off its hook. Then layered a long, plain silver chain (with no clasp), looping it over my head three times. I needed more color, so I grabbed this other little string-beaded turquoise number and double looped that one, too. The silver one didn’t look right. I stretched one loop over my head to take it off. Then another. Then discovered that my hair and all three necklaces were snarled up in an ugly jewelry traffic jam at the base of my skull.
I fumbled around for a clasp and discovered that the tangle of silver chain was mostly wrapped around the red necklace’s clasp, preventing me from unhooking it. I cursed. I was already running late for work. I found the blue stringy one’s clasp and unhooked that, but the beads were too big to pull through any of the other tangles. And my hair was still being pulled.
It was at this point that I wanted to race around my house, doing cartwheels like the cat, screaming GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GET IT OOOOOFFFFF!!!!!
I could feel my heart beating faster. And although I was becoming later and later for work, I was determined to clean up the metallic mess around me and wear the damn necklaces so I could be cute like my coworker. It took me about 10 minutes to sort everything out. And then I wasn’t even sure that it looked great, but there was no way I was taking anything off again.
I still haven’t forgiven that silver chain. Little bastard.