Tuesday, June 17, 2008

When Necklaces Attack

When my 21-pound cat was a kitten, I had the brilliant idea of buying him a harness and leash so I could take him on walks. Though he resisted, I wrangled him into that harness and promptly got distracted by a phone call. Then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a black flash flipping and bounding from the carpet to the couch to the coffee table. Poor little Monty had tried to get his evil walk-taking contraption off and got his tiny kitten teeth stuck in it. So naturally, he went into complete jumping, running, panicking spasms all over my apartment.

When I finally caught him (most likely in mid-air) he was panting and his little feline heart was thumping through 7 or 8 lives. I almost turned myself into the ASPCA.

Today, I felt Monty’s pain.

One of my coworkers often wears multiple necklaces—and she always looks so stylish and cute. Why can’t I wear more than one necklace? I thought this morning, as I stared at my naked clavicle.

I pulled a cute red and turquoise beaded wire wrap one off its hook. Then layered a long, plain silver chain (with no clasp), looping it over my head three times. I needed more color, so I grabbed this other little string-beaded turquoise number and double looped that one, too. The silver one didn’t look right. I stretched one loop over my head to take it off. Then another. Then discovered that my hair and all three necklaces were snarled up in an ugly jewelry traffic jam at the base of my skull.

I fumbled around for a clasp and discovered that the tangle of silver chain was mostly wrapped around the red necklace’s clasp, preventing me from unhooking it. I cursed. I was already running late for work. I found the blue stringy one’s clasp and unhooked that, but the beads were too big to pull through any of the other tangles. And my hair was still being pulled.

It was at this point that I wanted to race around my house, doing cartwheels like the cat, screaming GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GET IT OOOOOFFFFF!!!!!

I could feel my heart beating faster. And although I was becoming later and later for work, I was determined to clean up the metallic mess around me and wear the damn necklaces so I could be cute like my coworker. It took me about 10 minutes to sort everything out. And then I wasn’t even sure that it looked great, but there was no way I was taking anything off again.

I still haven’t forgiven that silver chain. Little bastard.

10 comments:

Dingo said...

I'm sure your cat was laughing his hairy ass off at your antics. I am (well, except for the hairy ass part) and I wasn't even there.

Did the chick at work comment on your multi-layered neckwear?

geekhiker said...

Reason number 1,372 of why I like the simplicity of being a guy... ;)

brookem said...

haha! okay, so a few things...

1- your 20lb cat?! adorable! and humungo!

2- my next door neighbor "walks" her 17b year old cat (tiffany) on a leash.

3- i HATE when necklaces get all tangled up! my roommate has a knack (sp?) for getting them undone, so i usually give them off to her. this sounded serious though!

Michael C said...

And THAT is EXACTLY why I eschew necklaces. No really, that's the reason.

Wow, that was awkward said...

Did you cough up a fur ball? Do you often bring dead mice and birds back to the office after lunch? Would I sneeze if you walked by me?

So many questions. Great write, btw.

Alysha said...

Thanks for making me laugh! I too have often wondered why I can't pull off the cute multi-layered jewelry thing... but have never tried. I think I'll wait a little longer to try after reading this!

Lara said...

Thank you for this post. I peed a little from laughing. You write up and description is awesome because I could totally picture you in your bathroom.

BTW, is this the same co-worker who made the SATC comment?

Mel Heth said...

Dingo - I think my cat was probably just watching in disgust, thinking "moron." The coworker did not comment, but I told her the story. She's a very nice person, but recently said she was surprised I wanted to see Sex and the City...because of the fashion...because I wear jeans and flip flops to work...so apparently any fashion attempts I make will be futile anyway.

GeekHiker - Boys have it SO much easier.

Brookem - He is cute, isn't he? :) You're lucky to have a roommate on call for necklace disasters! I'm jealous!

Michael C - You're the only person I know who uses "eschew" regularly. Nicely done.

Wow TWA - I did not cough up a hairball, but I do often find cat hairs in my eyes and on my clothing. Surely the throat can't be far off.

Alysha - Yeah, after going with the multi-approach yesterday, I decided I can't pull it off. Lesson learned.

Lara - Yes, same coworker. And I'm sure you could picture me...wanting to flap my arms and completely freak out...

JustRun said...

Ha! I did this not too long ago after seeing a woman wearing multiple chains. It looked cute, and I thought to myself "hey, I have multiple chains" so I decided to try it. I promptly strangled myself. No more of that.

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